TODAY I WAS TOLD THAT I AM OLD

Since moving to Vancouver in January, I have been commuting by bike. Five days a week I cycle 11 km (return) to the office from my apartment. For some time I have been puzzled by the fact that every other cyclist seems to go a lot faster than me. At first I figured it was conditioning but by March, that isn’t going to be a reason. Then I thought that the other riders are using slicks instead of nubby tires like I am so that must be the reason. Then, the nubby tire riders blew by just as fast. So now I am down to two explanations for what is happening; one, I am not a good cyclist or two, there is something wrong with my bike. As any guy would, I would not concede that it was the former explanation so I trucked off to the local bike store to prove that the latter was true.

So I enter the shop and explain my plight to the bike tech. He looks at me with a skeptical look and approaches my bike. I had argued that there must be something wrong with the hidden stuff like bearings or axles or whatever. I tried using the words that would make my claims credible but I didn’t pull it off. He grabbed the front wheel and spun it. After a minute he pointed out to me that the wheel was still spinning. Nothing wrong with that wheel. He then did the same inspection of the rear wheel.

At this point things are not looking good for what is left of my ego. The bike tech at this point should have suggested that all I need is a better, more expensive bike. He did not. Instead, he suggested that I needed to come to grips with the fact that the other cyclists, including the twelve year old girls and the hippie on the pee wee herman bike, are stronger, better cyclists. I need to accept that I am not a fast cyclist. I blurted out that I push the bike at 20 to 25 km per hour but I feel like I should be pushing 25 to 30 km per hour like I used to. The bike tech just said, “How long ago was that?” With my hand over my mouth I mumbled “1992”. At this point there was no saving face. It did turn out that I needed new rear brake pads so I bought those and paid the tech to put them on. But really, the brake pads were the equivalent of buying stuff along with condoms to make it look like you didn’t come into the store just to buy condoms.

So there it is. I am old and apparently not even worth the sales effort for the better bike. A Vancouver “no hoper” if there ever was one.

Retro Coolness

Gather round my friends, and listen to a tale. Not a tale of goodness, nor a tale of woe, but a tale of hope, of cool, and of roads not taken.

Once upon a time, in the year 1982, there was a singer. His name was Ray Parker Jr. and he was mighty cool. So cool that he borned the fantastic song The Other Woman for us to enjoy. And much cheering was heard from the rabble, and much dancing was done. Good spread across the land like a warm sunrise and all were happy. Sadly, the cold spectre of "Ghostbusters" rose dark and dismal as the rivers Acheron and Styx in Hades and stole the goodness and light from Ray Parker.

I stole that last bit from Wordsworth because he is a real writer and I am fucktard with a keyboard. Ray Parker was cool though.

The things you learn from Morning Radio

For a long time I have counted on this blog to be informed about important world events. Of late, I have been listening to the endless chatter and guys guy sexism that is morning radio when I am out running. Beyond the morning radio guys being over the moon that one of their harassment victims made the bigs and is now on Naked News, I have learned that cars are contaminated with fecal matter, salmonella and lots of other bugs. Their advice; when on a long car trip, avoid wiping your anus with raw chicken. So with that context, here is what I learned this morning:

1) David Hyde Pearce of Fraser fame (better to known to Pixar fans as the voice of the Stickbug in A Bug's Life) is gay.

2) Charles Nelson Riley was gay and has died.

I can understand why this blog has stayed away from the gay issue since it is not an issue, but when the world loses an icon like Charles Nelson Reilly, I am shocked.

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