Wall Street to Alberta: Profit Kills Investment

Shocking no one, Wall Street has deemed that profit taken on a scarce, non-renewable, high-demand product is bad. Bad bad bad bad. Only corporations are allowed to have profit. Luckily, the oil is extracted using magical machines, controlled by tiny elves, who require not sleep nor food. Nor roads, housing, health care or other such impediments to industry. Alberta, it matters not that your daughter spins the straw to gold, all gold belongs to Rumpelstiltskin! Careful now, or his foot will come down forcefully on your floor. And there are no flooring contractors to be had in Calgary for at least 18 months. Turns out that all the Flames are getting oak in this year.

reportonbusiness.com: Wall Street to Alberta: Don't be ‘so stupid'

Deepak Can Kiss My Taint

I am sure that most of us can agree that there are far, far too many self-help books and self-help gurus.

And I dare say that most of us can agree that a glass of wine, a long walk, and some honest self-analysis is all the help one really needs to meet the strains of our quotidien existences.

Should the above prescription be insufficient for your emotional needs, I present, free of charge, the only self-help books you will ever need. And as a bonus, they come in poster form, which makes reading them that much easier.

The classic:


Now, if for some reason this fails you, then break glass, remove poster, read. Feel better.




If you are still morose and one bullet short of oblivion, take solace in the worlds of Freewheelin' Franklin:

Just substitute "dope" for any word you like. Preferably something of which you have in abundance. Like dust bunnies, or empties, or bills.

See? You feel better already.

Word War!

Two pronunciations enter, one pronunciation leaves.

I will admit that I have been a big turgid dick over the pronunciation of flaccid. For years my dictionaries have shown the preferred speachification as flak-sid. Suddenly (which means at least ten years in lexicography), flassid is the preferred pronunciation. Gadzooks! How dare they deflate one of my favourite pet peeves?

So what say you? Do you run with the spineless mob and mispronounce this most-feared adjective? Or do you stand erect, proud in your defiance of the common will, and say "Nay, I remain tumescent with pride, and will never wilt in defence of the Mother Tongue".

What say you my brothers, what say you?

The Couch Is My Friend

The other day my wife asked me to drive her somewhere. I looked into her blue eyes, smirked, and said, "Ass, cash, or grass?"

I think telling her what that meant was a bad idea.

Amazingly, I Am Still Not Cool

Of late I have been trying to listen to more music and watch less tv. Partly because I easily morph into couch-sloth mode, and partly because of contributors and commenters who have such interesting and literate tastes in music.

Sonny Drysdale is forever hitting the clubs and keeping his finger on the pulse of indie rock. Crazy Legs is a world traveller, so that makes him instantly cool. The Rev does music reviews as a job. Very cool. Mighty KD is constantly pointing us towards new and fun sounds. He has even had a paying gig from CBC Radio. And Honshui keeps me abreast of songs and artists I might like, or that caught his fancy.

So with all this positive influence, I thought it would be a good time to expand my musical palate, to jump back into the sonic pool and give my brain a rest from too much crap culture.

I pull out my IPod, plug it into the stereo, hit shuffle, and wait to see what comes up, what sort of glorious noise will fill my head.

First song (out of 5600) UnderCover Angel. Ouch. I don't know why I have that, must have had a 70's urge one day. No matter, next tune will be gold! It Never Rains In Southern California. Fool's gold it seems. And on and on it went. There seemed to be nothing cool on my Ipod at all. With all hope for coolness shot, I did the next best thing - grabbed my little girl by the hand, and danced like crazy to the theme from The Courtship of Eddie's Father.
I can be cool tomorrow.

Which One Of These Is Not Like The Other

Here is some music to listen to while you try to decide which thing is not like the other things.









Well, did you get it? Don't worry if you didn't because it was a trick question. They are all the same!