I had this elaborate, long-winded, post ready to submit. I tumbled this idea around in my empty head for a week, and I thought I had it nailed down. Before committing thought to silicon, I (in all my testosterone-fed glory) asked my wicked-pisser-smart wife what she thought.

Imagine having your stones cut off with a hunting knife. Quick, efficient, to-the-point.

Ouch.

How about we all enjoy a musical interlude. In the meantime, I will try to think of something original to write. The holding of breath is not recommended.

Fucktard Du Jour

There is dumb, and then there is incorrigibly dumb. From the brilliantly satirical blog, dustmybroom.com ((I am being satirical here), comes this witty comment from "lookout":

1) There are almost no male elementary school teachers anymore. 2) In the jurisdiction I’m most familiar with, a very large proportion of the male teachers are gay, some of them militantly so. (On one staff, three of the five men were gay. In another, all six were gay.) So, our kids spend most of their days with women and gay men. (With such an imbalance, no wonder they never grow up!)

In related news, lookout will live out his dotage far more alert and cognizant of the real world than you or me. Irony sucks. Now, I am off to tell the male teachers I know that they are gay.

The link to dustmybroom is not safe for work. And neither is his homoerotic blog title.

Wednesday Friedman Blogging

Since we now know that honshui won't listen to you unless you have been proven right about everything forever, and have never had any privilege or luck, today we will have some quotes from an economist of whom he may approve. Milton Friedman.

Take it away Milty;

Universities exist to transmit knowledge and understanding of ideas and values to students not to provide entertainment for spectators or employment for athletes.

Every friend of freedom must be as revolted as I am by the prospect of turning the United States into an armed camp, by the vision of jails filled with casual drug users and of an army of enforcers empowered to invade the liberty of citizens on slight evidence.

I am favor of cutting taxes under any circumstances and for any excuse, for any reason, whenever it's possible.

Most economic fallacies derive from the tendency to assume that there is a fixed pie, that one party can gain only at the expense of another.

And, of course,

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Doom Metal

Well, this was all new to me. On the most current podcast from Rhino Records, they discussed the "influential metal band" Witchfinder General. Evidently they started the Doom Metal phenomenon. I had no idea there was a Doom Metal phenomenon. I guess if you like Sabbath, you will like these guys. I am not a big metal fan, but the fact that they took their name from a Vincent Price movie is always enough to pique my interest. Plus they wore tunics and sang about mushrooms. And be sure to check out the last track in the player. The song is Witchfinder General and has some amazingly hokey lyrics about catching and burning witches.

MPAA To Sue Gamers

Citing gamers for the box office failure of Ben Stiller's Heartbreak Kid, Hollywood big wigs plan to use the power of lawsuits to bring people back to the theatres.

Speaking to the LFPress, Hollywood spokesperson Rip Rogers said that "The release of Halo 3 kept our target demographic at home over a crucial box office weekend. I mean, there is no way that Heartbreak Kid doesn't make 100 million if these video games were crappier than the movies. We can't have our audience chasing quality, that would be a disaster".

Rogers explained that Hollywood has been carefully monitoring the success the recording industry has been having with its lawsuits over illegal downloading of music. "We could put a lot of money into our films, pay for better writers, and treat films as art rather than an elaborate money laundering scheme for oil-rich Arabs. But we think our time is better spent lobbying to make video games illegal. And we will be suing Microsoft for the names and addresses of their XBox Live customers. And then our hordes of demons, sorry, lawyers, will blanket the country in lawsuits. Halo took our money and we want it back"

A Hollywood insider, speaking only after being assured of remaining anonymous, stated that "These fuckers are serious. They are swarming over K Street and plan to have a bill banning games before the House by Thanksgiving". Jim Doan also noted that Hollywood fat cats are considering establishing nation-wide negative billing in order to bolster their sagging bottom lines.