Chuck Norris Would Have Knocked Him Out

Cuban taekwondo doer Angel Matos lost bronze medal match in the 80kg category by disqualification. So angered was Matos that he kicked the ref in the face. And typical of the "can't break eggs" crowd, was unable to knock-out a defenseless man caught unawares by said kick to the head. That is some heavyweight power for you. And no, he wouldn't have scored a point for that either. But he would have scored on the dude in the blue jacket, who was barely moved by Mato's powerful martial arts blow. Matos went immediately to the clinch to avoid further contact. Bad sport, bad fighter. Double fail.

Let's let the ladies show Matos how it is supposed to be done.

Here is the ever dangerous Donkey Punch!

And, courtesy of Chris's Invincible Super Blog, the web-slinging double face Kapow!

Last, but not least, Chuck Norris.
That Senor Matos, is how you kick a dude in the head.

Alexandra Orlando - Hottest Athlete

Webtvhub.com joined the throngs of websites bemoaning the excess of attractive women at the Olympics. And on this day, a Canadian takes their top prize. Alexandra Orlando, a rhythmic gymnast from Toronto Ontario, is their hottest athlete of the Beijing Games.


Of course, I decry this type of sexism and wish we could all just appreciate these talented women for who they are, and not just for their appearance. No matter how wickedly hot. Except for Amanda Beard. Enough Amanda Beard already.

Movie Recommendation - Smiley Face

You could go and see Anna Faris in House Bunny,

or,

you could have a great time watching her playing a stoner having a bad day in Smiley Face.

You'll be glad that you did.

Jaques Rogge - Fun Vampire

It is a rare day; Steve Simmons has written something that I agree with. I know, I am not supposed to read Sun newspapers, but it is an addiction that I am dealing with. But enough of my problems, on with Steve Simmons.

Steve Simmons - A Rogge statement


"Someone needs to say this: The stodgy, aristocratic head of the International Olympic Committee is an ass.
In this case, an unappreciative and all too sophisticated ass.In his proper, buttoned-down, European, IOC way, Jacques Rogge has criticized sprinter Usain Bolt, the best thing to happen to the Olympic Games, for being an immature showboat, lacking sportsmanship and not behaving the way a champion should."That's not the way we perceive being a champion," Rogge said in an interview with three international news agencies yesterday.We'll change the sentence: That's not the way he perceives being a champion."

And I have heard this from friends and co-workers, who just can't seem to enjoy the prospect of an athlete being "in the moment". Sprinters talk about the feeling of floating down the track, of feeling so light and so fast that it doesn't seem real. Surely we can take a moment to imagine the joy that would fill you if you were able to experience that. And if you were able to experience that on the biggest stage in the world.

As for the charge of showboating, well I guess Jacques has never seen Tiger Williams score a goal. Now that was showboating. And we loved it.

Taekwondo? Still Total Bullshit.

As nothing in the "sport" has changed, I am going to recycle a 2004 post about Tae Kwon Do in The Games of the Summer Olympics. Taekwondo? Total Bullshit.:

"Tae Kwon Do is a scam foisted upon the world by greedy Koreans (this is, of course, anecdotal and not worthy of being called factual). Watch some of the crappy action, then decide for yourself if this fits the role of a self-defence.

In Olympic competition, the 'fighters' bounce on their toes, run at each other, scream, then throw some kicks that couldn't break a carton of eggs. Worse than fencing by far. Too much screaming, arms are a non factor, and the head of the federation is a crook."

Bad judging, corrupt leadership, watered-down skill set...I gues TKD really does belong.

Update:

It really is worse than I thought. No intensity, no combat, no punching, no kicks of any real consequence. Go to the CBC website, watch the videos, and for the love of Loki, tell me I am wrong.

I love the martial arts, and would love to see them properly highlighted. But not like this. This is wrong. This is bad. This is not sport worthy of the Olympics. Show jumping is 800x more exciting and difficult than this sad effort. Rhythmic gymnastics has more street cred. Sweet fancy Pete, BMX is better than this fucktastic effort of mincing kicks and insincere hugging.

Update 2:

I love taekwondo!

Animalympics

Canadian horse Hickstead won a gold medal today in the show jumping event. Sadly, Hickstead was unable to shake the human, Erik Lamaze, who bravely clung to Hickstead's back. Lamaze was pleased to have succeeded in this horsey ride, as in the past he was unable to calm his fear of riding a great hairy beast and had to resort to chemical chicanery to steady his nerves.

As a reward for doing entirely all the work, Hickstead will be shipped home in a small box, and then will spend a month in a veal pen in Ottawa to ensure that he hasn't picked up a touch of the clap from any of those Chinese horse groupies, who were all over the box stalls like horse flies on...well, a horse.

By the way, DO NOT search Google images for the terms "hot babe horse" unless you are sure that you have Safe Search turned on. Just take my word for it and don't do it. Not even as a joke.

Your God is A Small and Bitter God

Sherry Shriner is a staunch defender of the righteous. She is bound and determined to save us from the demons/Satanists/Lizard people who are seeking to enslave us.

As a public service, Sherry has provided us with a Youtube video that purports to tell us how to pray in order to "cripple and annoy Satan's followers".



Annoy is right. If all your god can do is cause extension cables to short out and cell phones to drop connections, then perhaps you need a god with a bit more starch in his shorts. A god like, I don't know....

Thor?

Because as it stands now Sherry, you might as well pray to Volstagg for all the good your god is doing. Or being asked to do.

The Mind of Gary Bell

Gary Bell's simple formula for finding the truth...

1. Take any event that happened anywhere.

2. ???

3. Shriek "conspiracy", "Illuminati", or "ancient egyptian mystery religion" at the top of your voice.

Gary Bell, making the underpant gnomes proud.
Here is how you create a bogus conspiracy. Take a dash of nature, a bucket of stupid, and mix. Don't be afraid to huff solvents.

Sprinkler Rainbow Conspiracy

h/t to The Galloping Beaver

Paraguay's Model Olympics

With all the hand-wringing in the press (and the bitching and moaning from honshui) about the Olympics, I am going to promote the model of Olympic participation followed by Paraguay.

That is, send a model to the Olympics. Sure, she threw 10 m less than her personal best, and 22 m less than the winner, Christina Obergfoll, but she looked good doing it.

So who would you rather have representing your country? Model and beauty contestant Leryn Franco?









Or Olympic Champion Christina Obergfol?

The Hand of the Market

This is the graphic from an old Union Carbide advertisement (The National Geographic Magazine, August 1954, Vol. CVI, no.2.). The text:

More jobs--through science

A CHEMICAL A MONTH

The scientists of Union Carbide , for example, have introduced an average of one new chemical per month for over twenty-five years. Some of these have led to the growth of important industries, such as plastics and manufacturing textiles. This, in turn, has meant more opportunities, more job--in construction, manufacturing, engineering and sales, as well as in research.

IN OTHER FIELDS TOO, the people of Union Carbide have helped open new areas of benefit and opportunity. Their alloy metals make possible stainless and other fine steels; the oxygen they produce helps the sic and is essential to the metalworker; their carbon products serve the steelmakers and power your flashlight."

Open Lines of Communication

"Furthermore, it has come to my attention that your per diem is being wasted on "massage therapy" and Valium. If this charade is to continue, I insist you be more circumspect, especially around the help."

Best,

Your Husband.

Misty Water Coloured Memories

Ahh, the good old days. Salad days, when I would spend hours with my dad, building the ultimate soap box derby car for the big Scout jamboree...Well, actually, he built me a three-wheeled go-cart with a 10 HP engine. No throttle, no brakes, just set it to wide-freaking open and send stupid David on his way. I still remember his mocking laughter as the death trike's motor ran wild, with it's bulk pinning me to the hard dirt of the construction site behind our house.

Good times. Good. Times.

Happy Happy Joy J...Oh Fuck.

Economist Nouriel Roubini can be such a fun vampire.

"Over the past year, whenever optimists have declared the worst of the economic crisis behind us, Roubini has countered with steadfast pessimism. In February, when the conventional wisdom held that the venerable investment firms of Wall Street would weather the crisis, Roubini warned that one or more of them would go “belly up” — and six weeks later, Bear Stearns collapsed. Following the Fed’s further extraordinary actions in the spring — including making lines of credit available to selected investment banks and brokerage houses — many economists made note of the ensuing economic rally and proclaimed the credit crisis over and a recession averted. Roubini, who dismissed the rally as nothing more than a “delusional complacency” encouraged by a “bunch of self-serving spinmasters,” stuck to his script of “nightmare” events: waves of corporate bankrupticies, collapses in markets like commercial real estate and municipal bonds and, most alarming, the possible bankruptcy of a large regional or national bank that would trigger a panic by depositors."

I guess we can wish for better times, and then get on with being happy with what we have. Happy Monday!