Another New Record

From twisted world of Michael Coren's latest rant (does he actually get paid to write this badly?) :

"It might have been more appropriate if it had been written in German."


Quicker than spit, Coren gets to Godwin in under 20 words. And in the first sentence too. Well done you hateful psycho. Well done.

Billy...Is A Dick

Who Peed In Our Cheerios?

Maybe it's the weather. Or the great job the city does with plowing. Or maybe, something in our expensive water.

But damn, we are a grumpy bunch of bastards.

I recommend listening to Radio Woodshed to help put you back on a even keel.

Gen X, Redefining Age

It is often said that the baby boomers have redefined age. That 40 is the new 50. That 50 is the new 40. After a lifetime of abuse, they are rejecting smoking and meat and embracing exercise. Not willing to submit to the ravages of age, they are changing the way North Americans view seniors.













But what about those plucky but malcontent Gen Xers? How are they defining their generation?




By making 40 the new 80.

I mean, look at you. Your ears are shot from Walkman and Ipod abuse. Your eyes are going from too much screen time (tv, video games, computer screens), you sucked up decades worth of radiation from badly shielded monitors, microwaves, printers and cell phones. Physically you are broken from years of exercise and activity. You tried to keep up with the yuppies, and now all you have are bad knees, flamed-out elbows, a back made from dried bamboo, and daily trips to the medicine cabinet to grab some ibuprofen with your creaky fingers. You drank too much wine, you now drink too much coffee. You're cynical and grumpy and hang out at the cyber coffee shop (blogs) yelling at the youngsters and fondly remembering the old days.

You got old. And now you are older than your parents, who seem to have some ridiculous wellspring of energy and enthusiasm for life, a life you feel grounded down by unless you are throwing a ball for your dog (but watch that gamey shoulder), reading comic books (can I get more light over here?), or pissing away the late-night hours going for high-scores on your Game-A-Tron. You're so old now that old-school music now means stuff from the nineties. Old-school video games are now SNES era. You see, all those stupid Boomers had a bucketful of kids, they outnumber you, and now we have to put up with their shit just as we did with their parents. Like Woodstock, Motown, Beatles on 45, and their hypocritical view of drugs and sex (thanks for the AIDS and abstinence fuckers).

Well, take heart. You still have your failing health, and a lot of records to rip (I have a lot to get to as well). And you have now lived long enough to school some of these youngsters on what it was really like in the old days.



Oh crap. There you go, that Boomer influence again. Here's what I meant to say...



Now where the hell are my anti-inflammatory pills?

Gettin' Hip Daddy-O

I am dumping Andy Williams and the sweater vests tonight. For 2009 I am going to be all about Bossa Nova (really nova):





And languid jazz covers of 80s and 90s tunes.




I think I will skip the goatee, but I might go with the black turtleneck. I hear it's slimming. But then so is healthy eating and exercise, and look how well I've done with that so far.

Christmas is Coming, The Goose is Getting Fat

"How were your holidays?"

"Oh just great. And yours"

"Fun, spent time with the family, ate lots, you?"

"Um, really busy. Did lots. Kids were great. Ummm, gee, how about this weather?"

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation