Saturday, February 07, 2009
The wife and I are sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. She is painting hearts and stars on the wings of flying unicorns, or whatever it is that "scrapbookers" do. I'm looking at porn on the laptop, because I need to know if my junk still works (update: No), when I make some offhand remark about hair-lips or grilling kittens. So she up and calls me crass. Crass. "Really?" I say. "Do you even know the meaning of the word crass?"
I pause the double anal feature I am watching and googlify the word in question. First hit--gold. "Did you even know that it means "excessive dullness of intellect"?" says I.
So she makes a show of putting down her Rainbow-Pink-Lustre-Sparkle glue pen, sets her good eye on me, and says "No".
"Hah!". Showed her.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Dig in to this video buffet featuring campus politics, earnest undergrads, cheap video effects, and Western students!
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Book covers promise so much, and so often they disappoint when the content fails to hold up to the standard set by cover art.
Not in this case:
"Twenty-year-old Dennis Eastman has a choice to make: either enter the U.S. Naval Academy, or find some other course in life. He decides to spend his final month of freedom in Los Angeles with his old mentor and lover, Lincoln Gardner, hoping to find some answers. But Linc fails to meet him at the airport, and when Dennis enters his friend's apartment in Beverly Hills, he's promptly confronted by the police: Gardner has been brutally murdered! Dennis must now search for vindication through the sleazy underground bars and gay nightclubs of Southern California, while a vile killer begins looking for young, new prey!"
Gay sailors? Murder? Gay bars in SoCal? What's not to like? It even comes in at an easy 167 pages of LARGE TYPE. You can have it done and have it off way before the wife comes home.
"London Mayor Anne Marie DeCicco-Best thanked fellow politicians and Londoners yesterday for calls of support following the weekend criminal charges against her husband.
Addressing city council at the start of its regular meeting, the mayor described the charges against Timothy Best as a "personal situation" and thanked supporters for respecting her privacy -- her voice showing an extra edge of emotion."
Sorry Madam Mayor, but driving while intoxicated, crashing into other cars and injuring people is not a "personal situation". When you two have marital problems, that is a private situation. Crimes committed on public roadways are not. It is fine that you don't want to comment, but don't tell us to MYOB. If you don't want the attention, don't be the mayor. Or, tell Crashy McDrunky to take a cab next time.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Goddammit! I thought that red bastard died back in '56, airless and alone. Evidently he left some family behind to continue his reign of terror. I hope you kept your pellet and B.B guns oiled, because we can't let the offspring of this scarlet psycho torment our children like he did us.
Don't be fooled by patent medicines or cheap imitations, only the Canadian Pain Destroyer can relieve:
Pain in the side
And many more internal and external affections.
And for the married woman, Job Moses' Periodical Pills will remove all obstructions.
There is lots more old-timey fun to be had the Ontario Time Machine. It is an archive of some old Ontario books. This is a Ministry of Education project directed at grades 7 to 8, but you can go and have fun too.
Now it's time to head to the clubs, in spite of how upset your mom is about your parachute pants.
But you can't just walk to the club. You have "Walk and Skank".
Of course, you have to spend some time with your friends experiencing some imported fauna.