What Do You Want From Life?

The Tubes ask that age-old question, "What Do You Want From Life?"



I know that I don't want video games that simulate things I can do in real life, like cooking, walking my dog, or playing guitar. And that is why I don't understand the lure of Guitar Hero and Rock Band. They simulate a popular, inexpensive activity. Let's crunch the numbers, shall we?

You could spend $300 on Beatles Rock Band. Look at all the cool plastic you get--



These future dust collectors will be under your bed, or forgotten in the closet in six weeks. Guaranteed.

For the same amount (and often $100 cheaper), you can get the Squier "Stop Dreaming, Start Playing" pack. Love the name.

You get a guitar, an amp, a tuner, a gig bag, learn-to-play CD, headphones, and, oh yeah, a REAL FUCKING GUITAR. These are going for $130 on e-bay.

This, is not going to end up under your bed. Because real guitars are displayed with pride, even entry level one like the Squier.



It gets better if you don't own a console. Now that Rock Band set and a new system is going to set you back $600-700. For that kind of money you can get yourself a Fender Stratocaster (or a Telecaster if you are uncool like me).



If you really want to go cheap, there are tons of used models, and some excellent accoustics for a couple hundred bucks. I bought a basic Seagull for $250 on sale at a local store, and it sounds great. When my brother is playing it. But that's not the point. The point is, playing Rock Band or Guitar Hero does not make you an HMFG. Playing a real guitar might not make you a rock god, but you will feel cooler, have a skill, and, if you are really lucky, you might get to be a rice-smashing paperboy living in Otaku heaven.

So. What do you wanna do with your life?

MiceCast: Swirling The Bowl

The Three Gay Caballeros

MiceCast, the self-professed "Candid Disney discussion with an attitude!" podcast, now has a listener feedback phone number.

And what is that number?

Wait for it...


(830) 4 DF POOP

For DF Poop! For Disney Fundamentalist Poop! They are mocking Disney geeks who don't want the parks changed! Awesomely funny! Because three, grown, balding, fat men, sitting around their computers, recording a podcast about Disney, and who now regale us with their various back problems and the infernal minutiae of HD cameras have the kind of gravitas required to mock other people for their fervent attitudes towards the Disney parks.

Don't just take my word for it; read my review of said podcast. And if you really want the shits and giggles, go read the reaction of the Micecast Fundamentalists (hereafter referred to as MFers) on their message board. Evidently multisyllabic utterances are beyond the ken of some of their fans. As is satire. And having a sense of humour.

And, as it turn out, having a sense of humour is the point of this asshat rambling (Asshat...get it? You did follow the links...oh fuck it). Micecast is all about the humour. One of their hosts is Richard. And every show, they call him Dick or Shaft. Every. Single. Show. Really? Dick? Shaft? Sweet Jeebus don't sprain a neuron looking for new avenues of funny, 'cause you've found the motherlode in that vein. Get it? Dick. Vein. So funny I just about peed my pants. Stupid prostate gland.

And God Spaketh, and Sayeth At Them, "Fuck Off"

Dear God of Abraham,

If you are going to keep on hiding and not proving you existence, you might consider a new look, something "with-it", something cool the kids can relate to. How about...

Why the image change? Because your spokespeople suck at their jobs.

Sayeth commenter J.J.:

"The believers understand this and are frustrated with the hubris of the heathen atheists and their ingratitude for the grace given to them.

On behalf of god, let me, a true believer, say to you, wake up or fuck off.

God is great."

Awesome stuff J.J. I really did think the Gary Bell fans were the dullest knives in the drawer. I apologise to them for this error on my part.

And since J.J. has show that he is no innocent lamb of god, no passive cheek turner, I provide the following, more fap-worthy image of his mighty, foul-mouthed god.

Notes From a Small Town

Just in case you couldn't be there, or were too car bombed to remember everything, here are the show notes from last night's "Happy Birthday KD" gathering.

Anathem. It's a book you should read. After you read The Baroque Cycle. And Snow Crash.

Cocks.

Munchkins doesn't use a fucking DM, so why does he get 10,000 XP?

Crimes Against Food is a great podcast.

Micecast is all about dicks and shafts.

A Life Well Wasted is worth checking out.

The Vulcan Ninja has her 2nd degree brown belt in karate. Well done.

Roller Derby girls have filthy mouths.

There were serious problems with the Jack/Ianto relationship in Children of Earth.

Costa Rica is way cooler than England. Deanna says so.

Treadmills are the video game of choice for the easily nauseated.

Cocks.

The bliss of opiates doesn't last forever.

The new Doctor Who will be an old crank. In the body of some guy from Twilight.

Red Robin sucks.

Ultimate Spider-Man does not.

Shauna Rae often fights above her weight class. With predictable results.

And something about Smurf vaginas.

There you go. All caught up now. And KD, you didn't embarrass yourself at all. That's a good birthday in my book.

The Desert Peach - He's a Fabulous Bastard!

Meet Pfirsich Rommel, the gay younger brother of the infamous Erwin Rommel - THE DESERT FOX! Pfirsich isn't a fox, he's a peach.



Hey, there are worse ideas. Like this:


And this:



Yeah, "Razorback". A dude with a pig on his head. Mutant power? Drives good. Suddenly a gay German soldier doesn't seem so bad, does it? Now, imagine how you'd feel if bought that Razorback issue just a couple of years ago because you just had to have the first 50 issues of Spectacular Spider-Man. That peach is looking mighty sweet now, isn't he?


H/t to Bad Wolf.