Best. Day. Ever

Today I got to say to a Mormon grandmother, "See you Monday, and thanks for the porn! Which scene is your grandmother in?"

I feel like I'm floating on a cloud.

Is Roller Derby Deserving?

(Updated below)

Every now and then, someone writes to the Free Press wondering why their pet project/team/event didn't get any coverage. The latest to promote her cause is local writer/podcaster and skater girl, Vanessa Winters:

Roller derby deserving

It's too bad The London Free Press doesn't cover roller derby in its sports section.

On Nov. 6, our local team, the Thames Fatales, took a victory of 268 to 18 points against the Mid-Michigan team. While I know high school basketball is neat, it would be great to see you cover the dramatic success of the women in London's roller derby community the way it deserves to be.

Posted By: Vanessa Winters, London

Vanessa has a point. Women's roller derby is a subculture hit, so much so that people are paying $12 to watch a game. Here is Vanessa's team, the Thames Fatales, in action a few months ago...



What do you think? Should the Free Press cover this event? I don't think so. It might be useful to have one feature on the resurgence of derby and the riot girls phenomenon (such that it is), but continued coverage? I don't see it. I especially don't see it in a city that has so many exceptional athletes competing every day of the week. Some of those basketball players she derides will go on to university careers, and some to the Olympics and pro careers. Same for the football players. There are elite national and international calibre athletes competing throughout the region. There are Olympians on the Western campus. There are future Olympians swimming in our pools year round. There are hundreds of elite hockey players, not even taking the Knights into account. There are high school track and field athletes competing nationally and internationally. All of them are largely ignored and unnoticed. Such is life. It would be nice if we lived in a world where less attention was placed on pro sports, and more on amateur, but we don't live in that world. To be fair, Vanessa wants less coverage for the amateurs and more for her hobby, so she may not agree with that last point.

Roller derby is in its infancy. Like any sport with a new and small player base, the skill level is low. The skaters at this level are slow and the game lacks speed, power, and grace. I don't think they deserve any more coverage than women's rec hockey, which is free to watch and the ladies are awesome. Go go girl power, but don't get your skate laces in a knot when the local sports page ignores you. They are already ignoring far, far better athletes and teams from around the region. Enjoy the skate for what you get out of it and forget about the old media. Get a podcast or a Twitter account or something. Maybe serve beer at the matches too. What? Already doing that? So where do I get a ticket?



Update

Forest City Derby Girls Captain Anya Face feels that since the video is two years old, it is an unfair example of their abilities. Fair point. Here is one from this year. Hopefully it paints a more fair picture.

Christmas's War On Remembrance Day, er, Week

The Free Press rolled out the red carpet of outrage for some of its readers this week. From the Nov. 11 issue comes this roiling foam of anger from Murray Adlam:

What is wrong with us that stores and individuals cannot stop putting up Christmas decorations and lights until after Nov. 11? Surely we as Canadians can take the time to properly honour our heroic dead and those who served and still serve without flashing coloured lights and gaudy decorations in stores to seemingly mock those sacrifices.

No one loves the Christmas season more than I, but Remembrance week is just that, and should be properly observed. It is the least we can do to show that respect to our gallant service men and women, past and present. I hope businesses and citizens will take note.

Since when do we get in a tizzy about Christmas infringing on Remembrance Day? Flashing lights and decorations "mock" their sacrifice? Christ on a cracker, you are unhinged dude. And it's Remembrance DAY, not WEEK Murray. Just because the History Channel shows a week of black and white programs where we kick Jerry's ass, does not mean this is a week-long event. I'm glad too that you are the only one who can tell us the proper way to honour our gallant war dead. Except that you didn't you raging a-hole.

So, could you tell us? All black dress? All lights off at 9? Blackout shades on 'round the clock?

Crazy old asshat.

But wait, there's another one. This one from Liz Reaume:
Early Xmas decorations disrespect veterans

I just returned from the grocery store and I was disappointed to see that the store was decorated for Christmas.

Why can it not wait till after Remembrance Day? I find this very disrespectful to our veterans. We don't need reminding that Christmas is 45 days away, we need to think about our veterans who fought for our country.

I hope that business owners will reconsider in decorating their stores and the like before Remembrance Day.

Lest we forget.

Here's an idea, why don't you stop shopping during this sacred time. Maybe you should volunteer down at Parkwood with the vets, or just do some quiet contemplation instead of stocking up on Gold Bond powder for your old, whiny ass.

These two ass-farts made me angry enough to depict this situation in a drawing. And I hate drawing, but it's hard to find a picture of a crazy Christmas tree shooting a poppy (I know, I couldn't believe it either). I replaced the poppy with a moose because that seemed less disrespectful and you know me, all about the respect.

For You, I'll Make an Exception

I've made a point to not mock people on Twitter because it is like that old fashioned game of fish barrel shooting. You know the one, where you shoot a barrel full of fish with a shotgun. Much easier than that fish-in-a-barrel version. I mean, who am I, William Fucking Tell? Anyway, that was the old, gentle me.

After being followed again, it's time to make an exception. Gackt Rawr (albertbabisha), you suck. I don't often insult badly-written Turing software, but for you I'll make an exception.

The Evidence

# Why won't you all just go away. November 8, 2010 12:28:43 AM

# your pretty face is faded and burnt. November 7, 2010 4:00:33 AM

# I swung and I missed. November 7, 2010 2:07:30 AM

# I could have done better. November 7, 2010 1:30:12 AM

# Got to try harder. Next time I have to win. November 7, 2010 1:25:31 AM

# I am so alone. November 6, 2010 5:21:06 PM

# a revelation is told. November 6, 2010 2:27:47 AM

# disgust has taken over this conversational agreement. November 6, 2010 2:24:50 AM

# conceptual agreements. visionary truths. fables of old. belief in pillars of thought not reason. November 6, 2010 2:23:27 AM

# the emotions contained within another soul. energies stored. energies transferred. electro magnetic waves of unexplained proportions. November 6, 2010 2:21:11 AM

# i feel ever more within myself. when expounding upon the outside, the path leads inside. November 6, 2010 2:19:26 AM

# arent your feelings just relative to the time. i am moving farther away. casting my arrows deeper within space. November 6, 2010 2:18:20 AM


# if i tell you how i feel. will that make it real? compromise within this illusion. bury beneath our feet the emotions that matter nothing. November 6, 2010 2:15:53 AM

# i want to go away. 1:08 AM Nov 6th

# i can not wait to see tool live.



Worst emo-douchebag AI program ever.