Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Unicorns Unicorns, Rainbow-Flavoured Unicorns

Of course I'm going to post these again. Never stop beating the horse.

The happy fun-time unicorn said:

"I'm sorry for you. I’m sorry that you can’t dream big. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles."

And then, big bad Gargamel stepped on the candy-coated fairytale.

Guys like Armstrong (I mean guys on drugs) always play the "I train harder than anyone" card. Always. Here's Lance training hard. Bad form and a criminal lack of footwear aside, yes, he is training hard. As hard as anyone in any gym in North America. As hard as any pro athlete (maybe not) in the world. Get a grip Lance, it's not about training. We all train hard. It's about genetics and drugs. Read any bodybuilding magazine in the last 20 years and you will hear this excuse for having a better tolerance for performance enhancing drugs from every mook who stained his peach-coloured posing trunks with baby oil.
This guy

will swear up and down that he trains longer and harder than this guy:

You don't buy it. You shouldn't.

Live strong.

Here's what I posted way way back in 2006:

 When cyclist Lance Armstrong won his seventh Tour de France, he castigated his audience and detractors for daring to believe that his success was due to anything more than clean living and intense training. How dare they impugn the good nature of this fellow? Lance went so far as to question his critics' ability to discern reality from fiction. He said "I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry you can't dream big, and I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles."

So true. How dare we not believe in miracles when one is presented to us? Like a god perched high atop almighty Olympus, Lance is the alpha and omega of cycling. In fact, the ouster of Jan Ullrich and 13 other riders from this year's Tour only proves Lance's point. If he managed, without any help at all, to beat the elite of the cycling world (who were doping) then that is truly a miracle. To do so seven years in a row would be a miracle of Biblical stature. Obviously the only answer is that Lance is the greatest athlete ever. And unicorns exist and are pretty.

It's not that Lance cheated. It's that he was a dick about it. A huge, drug-injected dick. With no balls. Figuratively of course.


  1. Shut up, Dandy!

    "I want to believe in miracles too, Lance!"

    (said as I huffed and puffed, trying to keep up with Lance's US Postal Steroid . . . I mean, Service Team.)

  2. Anonymous7:06 PM

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