Jim Dandy Goodness

My God is Like, Totes Awesome 'n Stuff

2012-01-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

Tom Harpur is again dipping a toe into the wading pool of intellectual discourse. Harpur, who should be smarter than he comes across on paper, states that :

"God, the ultimate source and ground of not just this universe but of untold, as-yet unknown, universes beyond, is not only “great” but greater by a zillion degrees than anything our limited minds or technologies can ever possibly conjure up."

A zillion degrees.

I've tried using my local Sun paper, the London Free Press, to pick up dog crap. The crap rejects it.

Let's view Tom's argument as it deserves to be seen, as interpretive dance.

Anyway, god is so totally more awesome than anyone could ever, or will ever, be able to imagine. At least Tom has set the groundwork for his argument in that he is going to make bald assertions that are not only unverifiable, but could never be verifiable, ever in the infinite history of the universe. This is what is know in religious conservatives circles as "debate".

"atheism is today a wholly untenable position"

Not having a belief in gods is untenable to Tom. He is saying that not believing in the supernatural (literally outside of nature as he outlined above) is not a logical position to take. That takes some balls and being a bear of very little brain. Of course it could be that Tom has evidence to bring forth to convince us.

"The most amazing thing about the universe as we now know it is the fine-tuning of the physical constants behind the structure and coherence of everything else."

There we go. Full fucking moron in 9 paragraphs. In case anyone is not familiar with the argument for fine tuning, I'll let Douglas Adams, by way of a real atronomer, explain this widely discredited argument for the existence of a god.

Tom says "blah blah blah" when what he means is that, thanks to his belief in the supernatural, he thinks that the universe was always meant to create human life. Such ego. Such hubris. Why, it's not christian, is it? Where's the humility?

Tom pops off with this resounding zinger:

"Frankly, when I consider the amount of confidence in sheer coincidence required by atheism in the face of the latest scientific findings about the origin and nature of the universe, I realize I simply don’t have and never will the amount of faith such a leap demands."

Tom packs a lot of straw into that little paragraph. It has intelligent design, atheism as a religion, knowledge of abiogenesis, and a sweet little "Bless your heart" to finish off on our faces. Do these guys wake up and go "Holy crap, there's a cock under this fat flap! I had no idea it was there." That is how he comes across; as someone who has just stumbled upon an idea, new to him, but that has been discussed to death, and widely discredited. It's like when Madonna discovered sex, we all had to hear about, about how awesome it was, and how she was the only one doing it right .

Let's graphically illustrate the universe, fine-tuned for human life.

Here a Venn diagram I made showing the intersection of the known universe, and the portion of the universe suitable for human life, as far as our current knowledge allows. The entire universe is black, and the portion containing us is in yellow. I know the yellow is too big, but I don't have the right kind of software to make it any smaller.

That is some fine, fine tuning there. According to Tom there has been billions of years of evolution, billions of years of infinite galaxies forming, billions of star systems that were born and died, untold astronomical events that have been happening since the beginning of time, and it was all for him. All so that we could end up with this picture:

Not worth it.

Yes, I know what you're thinking as you gaze upon that picture, so here you go.

It's nice to end on a positive note. Where do they get those facts anyway?

You & Yer Fancy Book Lernin', Nuts To That

2012-01-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

The pointless water-fluoridation debate continues apace in London, Ontario. Last night the civics works committee heard from a variety of people on the benefits, and horrors, of water-fluoridation. Anyone who has followed this exhausting non-issue for the last twenty-years could have told you how it was going to play out, but I'll let the reporters tell you:

Earlier in the evening, tempers flared during the presentation by Dr. Bryna Warshawsky of the Middlesex-London Health Unit. When she said it was safe to use fluoridated water to mix baby formula, a man yelled "that's not true."Coun. Stephen Orser, who has recently become convinced of fluoride's risks, was clear in his challenging of presentations by Warshawsky and Peter Cooney, Health Canada's chief dental officer.Much of the crowd was clearly opposed to fluoride. People cheered whenever someone offered even a hint of an anti-fluoride statement.

Not surprisingly, when rational thought and scientific consensus is on the table, experts are booed and jeered by the crowd, and challenged by Stephen Orser. Fucking genius Stephen, with his shiny new Google M.D., is now convinced that years and years and years of studies about water fluoridation, and it's efficacy, are wrong.Like the anti-wind turbine folks, the wifi-is-evil crowd, the goddamn-Bilderburgers-are-controlling-us-all group, and the LARPers (fucking LARPers), these groups attribute all kinds of evils to their pet chimera. In this case, the daughter of Typhon is fluoride, which like Bill Clinton's penis, is the most powerful force in the universe. There is no evil it cannot inflict upon you once you are under its sway.

Fluoridation is safe and effective for preventing tooth decay.

From the CDC, "Scientists have found a lack of evidence to show an association between water fluoridation and a negative impact on people, plants, or animals.”

The Canadian Dental Association, the American Dental Association, the CDC, The Federal-Provincial-Territorial Committee on Drinking Water; these groups are not made up of evil people. They are not poisoning you for some nefarious purpose. The overwhelming weight of evidence supports water fluoridation as a public good. Groups of engineers and concerned homeopaths cannot be held in equal regard when they rage against fluoridation. We have to, at some point, defer to the consensus opinion of experts, or nothing can get done and no public good can result in any facet of our lives. There are groups and studies pro and con EVERYTHING. They cannot be held in equal regard at all times. "He said, she said" is not the way to do public policy. We simply must stop arguing at some point and get on with doing the right thing. When the weight of evidence against water-fluoridation even remotely approaches the evidence for, then we should take a look at it. As it stands, it does not.

Letters to the Editor: Therapy for the Mentally Ill?

2012-01-23T11:55:00.000-05:00

In my imaginary world, these kinds of letters to the local rag are merely exercises in critical thinking for the insane, incarcerated due to their pronounced sociopathy. Some kindly doctor has allowed them to read the paper in order to identify trigger words, and then has the patient pen a missive, which hopefully dispenses the rage in a non-violent fashion.

They don't get mailed to the paper, especially if they're full of nonsense, unsourced "facts" and bizarre assertions with little to no basis in reality.

They do if it's the London Free Press we're talking about.

Time to review flu shots

Regarding the article Flu shot flunkies (Jan. 17).

Through the years we have gone to expensive ends to protect the frail elderly from the ravages of the annual flu. Initially we focused our efforts on immunizing those at risk. For a while we even banked on the whimsical concept of "herd immunity" among them.

We have to stop. Herd immunity is a "whimsical concept"? Right out of the gate, Mr.Jamie Harris is spouting a line of nonsense so ridiculous that the editors should have tossed this letter into the bin without further thought. Does Mr. Harris think that smallpox and polio and measles just went away? That they got tired and moved on? Shall we say "fucking moron" or let himself shoot off his penis?

When it was proven that the uptake of immunity within the herd and by the individual elder was more miss than hit, we resorted to trying to protect the "at risk" population by immunizing society in general and caregivers in particular.

Fucking moron. Nobody has ever contended that vaccines are perfect, but 64%-95% efficacy is nothing to sneeze at (that pertains to pertussis), and it isn't hit or miss. The Japanese tried not vaccinating children against the flu. The result was "there was a rapid increase in excess deaths after 1994, the year in which mass immunization formally ended, [which] supports the conclusion that the effects observed in earlier years were due to vaccine-induced herd immunity" As to the hit and miss, researchers conclude that "37,000 to 49,000 excess deaths from all causes were averted annually when the Japanese program of mass immunization of schoolchildren against influenza was in effect." Nearly the entire population of Sarnia, Ont. is not hit or miss.

Oh well, let's just dive into the truly insane part. Plug your nose and stuff your ethics into a water tight bag, 'cause it gets messy.

Perhaps it is time to step back and reconsider the annual influenza outbreak.
The point of the annual flu shot is to increase the life expectancy for aged people, many of whom are experiencing profoundly diminished quality of life, making everyday a struggle.
The annual flu is a natural pruning tool and the consequent pneumonia was regarded, in kinder times, as "the old man's friend."
Instead of conspiring to coerce health-care providers into accepting shots, maybe a humane reconsideration of the entire flu shot ritual is long overdue.

Posted By: Jamie Harris, London
Posted On: January 21, 2012
Editors Note: As published in The London Free Press on Jan. 21, 2012.

Anyone who writes that "The annual flu is a natural pruning tool and the consequent pneumonia was regarded, in kinder times, as "the old man's friend." is either insane or lying. Mr. Jamie Harris has obviously never seen an old person with pneumonia, or has and wasn't bothered by it. I doubt the families of the great number of people killed every spring by the flu consider it a mercy. There is already a "pruning" of people who were not looking to die from the flu. Their compromised immune systems left them at risk, but it shouldn't be a death sentence because some soulless ghoul like Harris thinks the tree needs trimming.

Jamie Harris is probably a crank, most definitely someone without a ton of compassion. The London Free Press is, once again, to be ashamed of itself (were that possible). The ramblings of lunatics are not supposed to pass an editor's desk unworried, are they? Better to ask Harris to write a fully sourced column, and allow him to make his insane point properly, than to grab any piece of shit flung from the monkey cage and paste it on the bulletin board with a big "Look At This Shit" banner on top it, isn't it?

I make myself laugh.

I guess now is time to unveil my own clever artwork, to be used to graphically and colourfully enhance my shallow prose. I'm becoming a creator so that I don't run afoul of the coming hordes of copyright lawyers. Of course it will suck.

Jamie Harris of London Ontario?

Update:

From the comments, the Reverend PaperBoy, him what knows what is what about newspapers lets me have it!

"Ha! you have no idea how the letter to editors column works!"

Truer words were never spoken. Read his comment and learn how craven is the process of putting letters in the paper.

You Hear It, Right?

2012-01-18T11:48:00.000-05:00

Is it that we are all Pollyannas, clinging to the hope of love and happiness that accounts for all the misinterpretations of "You Are My Sunshine", or is it that nobody knows any lyrics past the first verse?

"You Are My Sunshine" is a horribly, horribly, sad song. It is about loss, unrequited love, and the promise to debase oneself to regain that love; love so important it's like the life-giving sunshine.

Was nobody paying attention when Regan used "Little Pink Houses" and George Bush Sr. used "Born in the USA" (incorrectly) as campaign songs? Did we all not learn from Sting that "Every Breath You Take" is about a stalker?

Is this thing on?

I know you, dear reader, see past the artifice and respect "You Are My Sunshine" for the bitter dirge it is at its core. I know you appreciate the morbid nature of so many folk songs and their near obsession with lost love and the subsequent killing of the one who refuses the love.

Like this pleasant old ditty. As usual, you have to wait for the 2nd verse for the violence to kick in.

It about fucking stabbing someone! It's a perfect sequel to "You Are My Sunshine". What it's not is a good song to use to show how much you love someone.

Here is The Civil Wars doing "Sunshine" properly.

"But if you leave me and love another, You'll regret it all one day".

Goodnight Sweetie!

City of Shitty Malls Has Shitty Mall Jingle to Raise Hopes

2012-01-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

"Imagine a store!"

Sometimes the provincial and parochial nature of London is disheartening and not cute. Today is several of them.

London has a jingle! It's happy! It's peppy! It's bursting with love!* It's sung by Jim Chapman. More to the point, Jim Chapman and the Incontinentals. Not surprisingly, Jim and the Boys favour music from the 50s and 60s, much the same way Jim favours outdated political ideology and longs for the days of white privilege, when kids knew their place, when dogs didn't bark, and you could leave you Nash Rambler unlocked while you filled out your liquor order form at the LCBO. Good times.

Anyway, London developer and ever present force of dyspepsia, Shmul Farhi, who evidently lets Jim sleep under his desk, must have once again threatened to pull out of London and let it crash under the weight of his absence unless they let Jim and his band perform the song. Seriously, no other explanation makes any sense, especially in a town so full of musical talent as London.

I think we can offset the happy joy joy song best with a cover from Jim and the Incontinentals. It's souless and depressing and devoid of originality. Like the real London and it's jingle.

*Did you get the reference? Please tell me you got the reference.

Why Do You Want Lye In Your Coffee?

2012-01-11T13:35:00.000-05:00

Jymn from the Let Freedom Reign blog lets us know about John Castle, who found the service at his dinner club so offensive, that he broke the waiter's fingers. John Castle is

"the chairman and CEO of Castle Harlan, a private equity firm. Before that, he was CEO of the investment banking firm Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette. His is a positively Romney-esque tale of the value of raiding companies to extract value—his business acumen has subsidized a lifestyle that included purchasing the Kennedy family's Palm Beach, Fla., compound in in 1995 and hosting magnificently lavish weddings there for his children, complete with Trader Vic's catering and Mar-a-Lago luncheons."

Mr. Castle felt the waiter needed a broken finger to pay for the offense of bringing the cheque to the table at the request of Mrs. Castle. Evidently bringing the cheque, or listening to that stupid bitch (I assume that's how Mr. Castle talks), are two things one is not allowed to do around Mr. Castle if one wishes to remain unbroken.

Mr. Castle has obviously not seen The Pope of Greenwich Village and learned of the payback he is destined to suffer, or his system is so decayed and rotted from the all the sperm and saliva he has ingested over the years that nothing save a bowl of Grape Nuts With HIV Infected Razor Blades (tm.) can affect his morning constitutional.

Of course, there are worse things than a bit of horse laxative. Like lye in your coffee. But that would be uncivil and will not be condoned on this blog.

The Dumbest Person in the World, Today

2012-01-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

But he's functionally moronic.

Daniel Dickin, mall cop, McDonald's assistant manager, and of course, political pundit, has this shocking revelation:

"Now I have another extremist alert for you: it's the Ottawa Citizen's Dan Gardner claiming that Prime Minister Stephen Harper uses heroin! It's right there, in black and white: "The key to understanding Stephen Harper’s federalism is heroin.""

Wow. Dan Gardner is an extremist who is "...bordering if not violently vaulting into libel territory". Heady stuff if true.

Daniel, a conservative blogger, is full of shit.

Here is Dan Gardner's Ottawa Citizen article. It's all about how dealing with heroin, more specifically the heroin problem in East Vancouver, and the Insite treatment facility, are indicative of Prime Minister Harper's strategy of centralised control, contrary to his stated preference for decentralised control. Don't believe me, read if for yourself. Dan didn't, or didn't get it. Either option is equally valid when it comes to the guy who thinks Noah Richler accused Vic Toews of being a pedophile.

Daniel Dickin, blogger, pundit, and a man who has reached a "...position [that] was the pinnacle of business development, planning, and execution." We would do well to heed his words, because they are bound to be just as funny for years to come. Derp, herp, derp derp.

On No Account Will A Commie Drink Water

2012-01-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

As the Reverend Paperboy has pointed out, the battle over fluoridation has already been fought. This battle over our precious bodily fluids is a battle against a monstrous and dangerous communist plot.

Stanley Kubrick made a documentary about it years ago. What a visionary.

Just Getting Ahead of the Screaming

2012-01-04T16:43:00.001-05:00

They're coming, make no mistake about it. The anti-fluoridation hit squads (I use the term because they are sad and small so it's funny like Little John was a funny name) are coming to London. Evidently the concerned citizens will be presenting/showing up/yelling at council on the ~~16th during the Planning and Environment Committee meeting~~ 25th at Centennial Hall (thanks to The Mcleod Report for the correct date). I guess they figured every wingnut woo-meister from three counties would be interested, so it is now in the big place.

I thought this issue was done and gone last year, but no.

Oh joy.

Let's first go to some experts, whose opinion piece (full of facts) appeared in the Calgary Sun ahead of that city's decision to remove fluoride from the water supply.

Debunking fluoride falsehoods

Lindsay McLaren, J.C. Herbert Emery, and Lynn McIntyre, Guest Columnists

First posted: Saturday, February 05, 2011 07:58 PM MST | Updated: Saturday, February 05, 2011 07:59 PM MST

Calgary is on the verge of a decision to discontinue fluoridation of drinking water.

Since this decision will be difficult to reverse, it is important that it be based on credible scientific evidence and reason rather than emotion and anecdotes.

There seems to be three main arguments against continued fluoridation of Calgary's drinking water:

1. Drinking water fluoridation was effective in the past, but it is no longer needed.

False.

Tooth decay remains a problem for children.

Recently released data from the Canadian Health Measures Survey show that, among a nationally representative sample of Canadian children age 6-11, more than half are affected by tooth decay.

When a health problem is common, it makes sense to consider wide-ranging measures.

Drinking water is a highly cost-effective way of providing fluoride to all.

Another reason that drinking water fluoridation is still needed is that it is equitable: It is an efficient way to provide fluoride to all, regardless of income, education, or access to a dentist.

Children whose parents do not have private dental insurance (e.g. through employment) have more tooth decay than those with insurance.

One-third of families with young children, according to the Canadian Health Measures Survey, do not have private dental insurance.

Research has shown that in regions without fluoridation, the gap in oral health between the rich and the poor is much greater than in regions with fluoridation. To ensure fluoride for all, there is currently no practical alternative to drinking water fluoridation.

Make no mistake - the up side of dental health is considerable.

Numerous studies show a direct relationship between poor dental health and overall health, including diabetes, heart disease and respiratory illnesses.

2. Drinking water fluoridation is unsafe, or poisonous.

False.

Credible scientific research continues to support the conclusion that water fluoridation is safe at optimal levels (0.7 ppm).

In April 2008, Health Canada released findings and recommendations from a Fluoride Expert Panel. The panel found no compelling evidence to link fluoride with an increased risk of cancer, bone fracture, or any other health concerns.

The most common consequence of excess fluoride is fluorosis, or mottling of the teeth.

The Fluoride Expert Panel found the existence of moderate dental fluorosis in the population is a potential indicator of too much fluoride.

Among children in the Canadian Health Measures Survey, none had moderate dental fluorosis.

Where fluorosis does occur, dental experts suspect that it's caused by children ingesting fluoride toothpaste, or use of fluoride supplements.

3. Drinking water fluoridation is an assault to our personal freedom.

Drinking water fluoridation is a public health measure.

Public health aims to improve the health of the population.

It values the collective good, and is based on a principle of providing conditions that enable health, without undue coercion.

Three criteria are often used to justify a public health measure: Reduction of health inequities, reduction of ill health, and concern for children who constitute a vulnerable group.

Drinking water fluoridation is justified on all three grounds. Further, it is possible to opt out: One can purchase alternatives to tap water.

Bottom line: The decision to discontinue drinking water fluoridation in Calgary must be based on scientific research and reason - rather than myths and anecdotes.

So far, city council has rejected an offer by the University of Calgary's faculty of medicine to form an advisory panel to review the arguments and studies - pro and con - about fluoridation.

Calgarians should be concerned about council's dismissal of evidence and reason.

Lindsay McLaren, PhD, J.C. Herbert Emery, PhD and Lynn McIntyre, MD, are professors, Community Health Sciences, University of Calgary

Some people, like London's own Butch McLarty, are pushing for the removal of fluoride from the drinking water. Butch points us to Betty McLarty's list of studies that purport to defend the claim that fluoride in the drinking water is bad. I say puport as no link is provided to any of the studies, or to an abstract. Other than heading to the Lawson Library for a couple of weeks and tracking down every journal listed from the microfiche archive, we'll have to take Butch's word that he, or Betty, have read every study or abstract, and that they do indeed defend removing fluoride from the drinking water.

On the other hand, here is an abstract you can read. This one is a bit more current than Ms. McLarty's offerings. The Long Term Effects of Water Fluoridation on the Human Skeleton:

Abstract

Municipal water fluoridation has notably reduced the incidence of dental caries and is widely considered a public health success. However, ingested fluoride is sequestered into bone, as well as teeth, and data on the long-term effect of exposure to these very low doses of fluoride remain inconclusive. Epidemiological studies suggest that effects of fluoride on bone are minimal. We hypothesized that the direct measurement of bone tissue from individuals residing in municipalities with and without fluoridated water would reveal a relationship between fluoride content and structural or mechanical properties of bone. However, consonant with the epidemiological data, only a weak relationship among fluoride exposure, accumulated fluoride, and the physical characteristics of bone was observed. Analysis of our data suggests that the variability in heterogenous urban populations may be too high for the effects, if any, of low-level fluoride administration on skeletal tissue to be discerned.

Like all debates of this kind, whether it's over the ill-effects of wifi, or wind turbines, or vaccines, nothing new is said.

So, before the screaming and the threats of violence start (oh yes, this can be a vitriolic crowd if they don't get their way), why not read some more facts.

For more information, please visit the websites of the following professional organizations:

Middlesex-London Health Unit	Fluoridation of Water
Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care	Drinking Water Fluoridation
Canadian Dental Association	Fluoride FAQs Fluoride and Your Child CDA Position on Use of Fluorides in Caries Prevention
Health Canada	Fluoride and Human Health
Ontario Medical Association	Ontario's Doctor's Set the Record Straight on Fluoride in Drinking Water
Canadian Public Health Association	Fighting the Good Fight: Fluoridation of Drinking Water
Government of Ontario e-Laws	Fluoridation Act
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)	Community Water Fluoridation

Here's another fact sheet on fluoridation from the USDA: fluoridation facts.

If you want to believe the purveyors of woo, like Chris Gupta, one of the major anti-fluoride minstrels in the area, just check out his website. He'll tell you all about how dentists are conspiring to poison our babies (because that just makes sense), how vitamin C can cure cancer, how cholesterol-lowering drugs are a scam, how red wine will heal your lungs, and, of course, how vaccines cause everything from ADD to Multiple Sclerosis.

So who you gonna trust?

Fun, Fashion, & forehands : Wimbledon 1962 - British Pathe

2012-01-04T13:43:00.000-05:00

The British Pathé newsreel archive is a wonderful time-sink. There are thousands of hours of newsreel footage to peruse from just about any topic. As is my want, I went looking for old tennis film and is there ever a gold mine of that. From Fred Perry v. Don Budge, to this great colour footage from 1969,

WIMBLEDON 1962

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Here is a travelogue of lovely Vancouver, and it's American influences, from 1958.

ROCKIES FLIGHT TO VANCOUVER

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Now get back to work.

Sucks to be You Matt Murdock

2012-01-01T21:26:00.000-05:00

I always thought having heightened senses would be cool. Who wouldn't want the keen hearing, expert balance, and radar senses of Daredevil?

You just never think about the smell. Blood, cordite, Grimm funk, those are the kinds of things you figure you are going to come up against as defender of the weak in the Marvel universe.

Nobody prepares you for a dirty nappy and an aroused Squirrel Girl though, do they?

I admit, I thought Squirrel Girl's squirrelyness was a costume. A put on. I didn't know she had it going on, rodentially speaking, in and around the tail. I knew the tail was real, and that she got all interspecies with Wolverine, but really, squirrel musk?

Who says comics aren't edumacashional?

Because Everyone Needs a Support Group, Even Geniuses

2011-12-26T18:10:00.001-05:00

I know that it's been terrible of me to only present one side of an argument. How uncivil, how uncaring can I be? Never let it be said that I don't allow for open discussion, no matter how many time Honshui and Fugle post that they can't post.

In that vein, I have found a truth-teller in arms, a brother in logic for them; it's Stan from http://atheism-analyzed.blogspot.com/.

From atheism, to evolution, to the very laws and properties of nature, Stan has proven them all wrong with undergrad level logic and a steadfast commitment to only using definitions for words that back his play. You guys should stop by and say hi to Stan. He understands your frustration with stupid atheist who refuse to open their eyes and minds to the real Truth.

Some Holiday Reading for the Grumpy People

2011-12-25T10:25:00.000-05:00

Honshui's error-filled post, followed by further error-filled comments, makes obvious the need for some remedial reading.

Austin Cline, has this to say about agnosticism, the "eminently reasonable" position put forth by Honshui.

"Many people who adopt the label of agnostic reject the label of atheist — there is a common perception that agnosticism is a more “reasonable” position while atheism is more “dogmatic,” ultimately indistinguishable from theism except in the details. This is not a valid position to adopt because it misrepresents or misunderstands everything involved: atheism, theism, agnosticism, and the nature of belief itself. It also happens to reinforce popular prejudice against atheists"

Austin was a Regional Director for the Council for Secular Humanism and a former Publicity Coordinator for the Campus Freethought Alliance. So it might be a good idea for Honshui and Fugle to read up a bit, so at least we can all be reading from the same page, and not having to constantly correct them on their sincere, but plainly wrong, assertions.

And that's, one to grow on.

Back When You Took Your First Step Into A Larger World

2011-12-22T22:34:00.000-05:00

Get on over to Superfun Happy Slide's blog and relive the glory days of Zellers and Star Wars toys.

As an enterprising young Star Wars fan of the late 70s and early 80s, Zellers was home to some of my greatest moody moments and temper tantrums. While my parents could never understand the allure of Zeller's toy section and how it could change the rational child I usually was into one that was induced into a temporary phase of I want, my passions were awakened as soon as we walked through the doors. In all honesty, I can't really be too hard on my parents, after all, they were soooooo old. Yes, Zellers was my Star Wars destination of choice and my still developing 8-year old rationality was stressed to its absolute finest fibers upon entry into that beautiful consumer's wonderland. Looking back now, I know that the lovely red glow of the Big Z owned my soul.

Atheism, Failed Science And Bad Philosophy

2011-12-22T18:21:00.001-05:00

Here is a guest post from frequent commenter Honshui. I'll see you in the comments.

---

I was reading today about how atheists in santa monica have taken over the display space that previously held nativity scenes for Christmas. The Christians who have been crowded out from doing their festive display claim that the atheists "gamed the system" to get said space and they are none too pleased about the atheist statements about their blessed holiday.(http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/22/us/santa-monica-nativity-scenes-replaced-by-atheists.html ).

As a committed agnostic I find the atheist religion amusing to watch. Like other intolerant religions, atheists cannot let people with other beliefs be. They feel a need to confront the other believers I presume in an attempt to convert them to atheism. Atheists are 21st century missionaries!

Now before the atheists get their knickers in a knot over being called a religion let me state my case that agnosticism is the only non-faith based position one can take. To be an atheist one must have faith that there is nothing like a god or higher power. If atheists truly understood science then they would see this but atheists are not scientists, they are philosophers relying on logic to infer the uninferrable.

Christians believe that there is a god. Atheists who believe that there is no god challenge Christians to prove that there is a good. If we were conducting this in a scientific way, then we would form a "null hypothesis" to test like: Ho: There is no god, against an alternative hypothesis Ha: There is a god. If empirical evidence could be generated to prove that there is a god then presumably the atheist would convert to christianity since the burden of proof would be to reject the null hypothesis. The tricky part for atheists comes from what to do when there is no evidence that there is a god. You cannot reject the null hypothesis. Atheists then make a flawed logical assertion that failure to reject the null means that one must accept the null -- ergo, there is no god. The problem with the atheist position that a lack of evidence that there is a god does not prove that there is no god. In the scientific method you can reject the null hypothesis but you cannot prove it is true. Thus, all we can say from this scientific test where we do not reject the null hypothesis is that we don't know if there is or is not a god. Ergo, the agnostic position is the appropriate one to take unless you have faith that there is no god. In this case, the faith or belief that there is no god guides the atheist making it just another religion that really doesn't fit well with science.

Magneto's Gonna Make You Blow Up? Put on a Happy (Iridium) Face!

2011-12-22T15:02:00.000-05:00

Mettle, laid-back surfer dude and young Avenger. He's cool, he's calm, he's super strong and he's made entirely of living iridium.

Mettle has been through a lot in the past 6-7 issues. He's killed people, he's almost had sex with a toxic waste spill, and he's visited himself in the future (spoiler: still bald). Through it all, Sean Chen and Tom Raney have done a bang up job in bringing life and emotion to a metal skull.

Here's determined Mettle.

Here we have concerned Mettle.

This is Mettle looking pensive. This is a different panel. Swearsies.

Finally, Mettle looking quizzical.

My hat is off the Raney and Chen. I can't imagine they're excited about trying to bring emotion to a metal skull head, and they do a fine job along with the help of the writing of Cristo Gage and the lettering, and the inking, and the coloring.

Dinos Cheat Their Way to 8-0 Season, Still Lose in Playoffs

2011-12-21T13:33:00.001-05:00

Stung by their repeated and annual failure to advance to the Vanier Cup, the Calgary Dinos Football team has had to rely on skulduggery and cheating in order to improve their 2011 regular season record. Thanks to the UBC Thunderbirds fielding an ineligible player, the Dinos now see their regular season record go to 8-0. Sadly for the Dinos, they had only themselves to blame for going 0-1 in the CupBowl, a game, in which it MUST be noted, that they played at home. No travel. Easy-peasy. Pumpkin-squeazy.

In light of this offense taken by an unnamed player, questions must be asked. How long did he play for Calgary? Did the Dinos coaching staff tell him to hide the truth of his eligibility when they forced him to transfer to UBC, and why did similar "transfers" not work work with Laval? Were those western quislings discovered, or were they simply too shitty to make the Rouge et Or? Why is no one asking these questions?

Here's to you Dinos. Here's to you turning failure into winning, the kind that comes with a "participant" ribbon.

Two Curmudgeons, 1 Clip

2011-12-19T11:22:00.001-05:00

What to get two curmudgeons for Christmas? How about the same thing?

Sean Twist wants you to know that Christmas "...isn't about caring for one another--it's about showing how each of us can out-do the other."

As I like Sean to be right (and so does his wife; makes him less grumpy/suicidal) I present the two-post worthy, almost-hand-made, Christmas wreath, as done up by Kevin from the Theater of Cruelty.

In contrast, here we have another Londoner, just a short throw from Kevin's house, and his attempt at Christmas cheer.

Don't be discouraged Kevin, this guy is competing with his neighbour, who also has a display, both bright and animated, to match. Keep in mind the words of London's Lord of the Dark. He says that you and this guy with the huge electical bill are both doing your part to "Go back to the pagan roots of this celebration, ...the real reason people like to get drunk and hang out with each other was to take their minds off the dark. Off the cold."

I say your wreath and big display guy have done just that. Thank you.

So, where's the mead and the mushrooms?

Sometimes You Can Get to Watusi Through A Horse

2011-12-18T23:42:00.000-05:00

You start with Denise discussing art. Terms like "anus", and "feces", and "horse carcass", and "Star Wars" get bandied about, as they often do when discussing modern art. Invariably, the talk gets dirty, with "c**t dip" and "salad tossing" becoming part of the back and forth till finally a real artist steps in to set everyone straight.

The artist is Kevin Peddicord, and he painted this.

Kevin tells me that he was inspired by Guadalcanal Diary and their song "Watusi Rodeo".

You can get there from here. You just have to sleep in a horse carcass to do it.

C'Mon, It Totally Looks Like Sylvia & Korob

2011-12-18T23:21:00.000-05:00

So varied and wonderful are the gifts we receive at Christmas.

Behold the centre piece gifted to us by my usually very talented mother-in-law.

Sure it's kind of ugly and tacky and styrofoam. But what it is, or should be, is a tribute Sylvia and Korob, the Ornithoids from Pyris VII.

You know, the weird aliens who were cats and Raveen, and killed a couple of red shirts.

Second season? First episode? "Catspaw"?

Nobody?

How about now?

How about now?

Really? I mean look at these two freakish puppets:

Well, that's my tortured story, and I'll be telling everyone who comes in the door, just to make them regret showing up. Merry Christmas!

Just Because It's a Pretty Thing

2011-12-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

Ma petite peau Aime, Chanson original:
Musique: Gael Lopes
Texte: Priscilla Lopes

Ma petite peau aime
Les petits poèmes
Que tu sèmes
Sur mon corps...
Et tant pis si je saigne
Tant pis si je saigne
Mise à mort
Mi Amor

Christina Blizzard, Like Ezra Levant in a Wig. Wait, What?

2011-12-14T10:11:00.000-05:00

Sun Media is determined that the $.06 per issue cost of the digital London Free Press is money wasted. They do this today by offering up Christina Blizzard for yet another fact-free rant about the evil Liberals in charge at Queen's Park.

Let the angry effluence begin:

"Anyone who's had the misfortune to have a loved one spend time in hospital recently knows only too well that our health-care system is on the ropes.

Hospitals can't ask patients to pay for vital health services, so they ding them for everything else--from parking to extra services like semi-private wards."

Right out of the gate we have an anecdote and something so untrue that one might almost call it a lie.

To the anecdote: I have had relatives who have been in hospital recently, with varying degrees of troubles. All of them, every single one, has had excellent care and were dealt with in a speedy fashion. Everyone of them commented on how hard the staff worked and how fast they were treated. So Christina, my anecdote cancels your anecdote.

On to the fulmination/obfuscation/over exaggeration about parking and semi-privates. Do any of you remember free parking at a major hospital? No the doctor's office, or the clinic in Chatham, I mean St. Joesph's here in London, or Foothills in Calgary; there hasn't been free parking since before the early 80's, if at all. As for semi-private rooms, they have been an extra charge for at least 15 years here in Ontario. They may be covered by a health plan, but that still amounts to an extra charge that has been in place longer than the current Liberal government.

Fibs and anecdotes, standard Sun Media fodder. All that's missing is the scare. Oohh, there it is:

"We must find other sources of revenue for health care, other running up more big deficits or hitting up the overstressed taxpayer. We must decide which services are truly important and which ones we are prepared to give up. Tough choices, sure.

If you want the alternative, though, look no farther than Greece."

Got that? Time to make tough choices, time to man up you wussy huggers. Don't be Greek.

The Harper Government, Just Doin' What Feels Good, Man

2011-12-12T11:34:00.000-05:00

Compare and contrast Monday.

Justice Minister Bill Nicholson, facing criticism that the new omnibus crime bill addresses problems that don't exist, and doesn't reflect the reality of crime in Canada, said"

"We're not governing on the basis of the latest statistics," Nicholson said at a news conference, held earlier in the day near Toronto.

"We're governing on the basis of what's right to better protect victims and law-abiding Canadians."

At today's press conference announcing the new regulations/rules/stuff they're gonna do regarding new immigrants, face veils and evil Moooslems, Minister of Who Gives An Itchy Ball, Jason Kenny, was paraphrased as saying that the legislation was about

"...four veiled women [who] allegedly got into a car with New York licence plates after the ceremony." and that "Kenney does not have an exact number of applicants that are veiled, but thinks it is frequent enough to require action."

To reinforce how much this is about his gut and not his brain, Kenny admits that this is not something that he has witnessed, but a guy told him it was a big deal and you totally have to believe him and that based on this guy who knows stuff, Jason is all about the principle of the damn thing because this is Canada dammit and we don't say things we don't mean and contradictions in religious doctrines mean that the religion in question, if it's Islam, gets no favours, and there will be more principles tomorrow, but they might be different.

At which point the feed from the CBC stopped so abruptly I can only assume Ezra Levant "tripped" over the tv cable so he could blame them for censoring a Sun News contributor (colloquially known as a Minister of the House).

The take away from all of this (if you're me, which would be weird for you), is that we have stereotypical hippies in charge. Not real hippies who solve real problems and have real solutions based on real facts, but the stereotype come to life. The "whatever feels good, man" stereotype that only exists in John Baird's fevered dreams (all no-shirt and leather vested, with low-slug pants and just the right amount of Led Zepplin-era Robert Plant hair to grab onto when you...nevermind) and old sitcoms. Our government doesn't have time for facts, man. Just doin' stuff 'cause it feels good, and they think it'll make you feel good too!

Fucking fake hippies. Fake hippies who didn't bring any pot to the party, but they did bring that fucking drum, so they're a complete bummer.

Blogs To Read

2011-12-06T14:11:00.000-05:00

Do go and read the yutzes listed on the side ---> as they right good and stuff. Newly featured today is Pass the Doucheys. From her very own profile:
-------------------------

Come on in and get dirty.

This blog is a reflection of me – sometimes political, sometimes maternal, sometimes silly; very opinionated, and quite often with a ” busted edit button” (Did she just say “douchebag“? You bet your sweet ass I did!!). My topics may vary, but I’ll always be me - which is an adventure in itself.

My name is Denise, and I’m a soon-to-be 43-year-old mother of five. …..a very liberal, black atheist woman living in the very conservative, bible-loving state of South Carolina. Oh yeah, my husband is white. Not a big concern for most, but every now and then it can cause a minor major freakout – so you’ve been warned. If you have a problem with interracial relationships, gay marriage, the separation of church and state, people who talk about their kids, and the occasional use of salty language, well then fuck off tough shit this blog is probably not for you. If you don’t have a problem with those things, I’m sure somebody somewhere is praying for you. At any rate, I have been told that I have a way with words and some viewpoints that need to be shared , and I have also been told that I have sat on my happy size 3 black ass long enough - start that blog, dammit! So if this sucks, blame my cherished friends Becky, Joetta, and Deborah . They made me do it. If it doesn’t suck, they’ll be doing some guest posting from time to time , and I’m sure you’ll come to love them as much as I do. You can thank them for prodding me later.

Welcome to my crazy world.

-------------------------------
If you're into that kind of thing, follow her on Twitter at @PasstheDoucheys.

When LARPers Sing

2011-12-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

I never used to wonder what a band made up of LARPers would look and sound like. Now I don't have to. Thanks, weirdos.

Yes, These Are My Friggin' Relatives

2011-12-01T15:19:00.002-05:00

From the wilds of St. Thomas, to the friggin' forests of Inwood, comes Pug Life. Choochin', lookin' fer wood, and always in search of a better hoard. These are my people, y'ol' bag a dirt.

My dad has three of those chainsaws that don't spark, 7 tractors, 6 riding mowers (2 with motors), but he doesn't smoke cigrits, so I guess that's a plus.

H/T to Superfun Happy Slide for putting me on to these guys. Friggin right buddy.

Next week I'm showing off my new log splitter. Friggin beauty, and it'll rip through a chord or two in no time.

Patricia Yeates, You are Stupid

2011-11-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

The parade of stupid in the Free Press letters section continues, sadly unabated and with no rebuttal, save this lonely blog.

second hand smoke vs pornography in the library

I find it ironic that we are so concerned about the risk to our children of being exposed to second hand smoke in public parks, yet we can so easily accept the risk that they will being exposed to pornography in our public libraries. Am I missing something? Where are our priorities?
Posted By: Patricia Yeates, St Thomas
Posted On: November 24, 2011

I told you this would be all about low-hanging fruit, and Ms. Yeates fell off the branch a while back it seems. Some fruit doesn't get to ripen before the tree gets rid of it for being toxic.

Sarcasm, It's The Reason for the Season. Or Something

2011-11-28T21:18:00.000-05:00

Finally, at long last, a letter to the editors of The London Free Press that I can support.

Reverend Maeve Armstrong-Harris has this to say about the removal of the Occupy London protest from Victoria Park:

No room in the park

Let's clear out the dregs of society to light those pretty Christmas lights in the name of a Christ who taught us to reach out to the poor, sick and downtrodden. Makes sense to me.

Posted By: Rev. Maeve Armstrong- Harris, London
Posted On: November 25, 2011
Editors Note: As published in The London Free Press on Nov. 25, 2011.

But, it wouldn't be the Free Press if two ding dongs didn't post complanints about her statements, calling her heartless and uncaring. If there was a smiley face thingy that got repeatedly hit with a board, I would put it right here.

Yeah, just like that, but funnier and less euro-douchey (or less whatever country/team/beer company he plays for). The internet definitely needs a sarcasm font, or fewer dumb people.

Is There Lower-Hanging Fruit?

2011-11-27T23:43:00.003-05:00

I have often been chided about only going after the low-hanging fruit with this blog; that my supposed talents could better be put to use. I should be more positive. With the recent spate of posts on CIS Football, I think it's safe to say that isn't going to happen any time soon. I just don't have the intellectual heft to go past fart noises and boob jokes. I have become bad AM morning radio for the internet; I have become the low-hanging fruit. As such, I will look for lower-hanging fruit. Luckily, it's sitting rotting on the ground everywhere you look. Why risk a shoulder or back injury stretching up. Easier by far is to kick the fruit on the ground to some spot where it's simpler to reach.

Please to enjoy.This is not low-hanging fruit. This is Calliope and she's good at what she does. I won't be like that, but only because I can't. Be good that is, not hoopdancing. But that too.

Myths, Memes, and McMaster

2011-11-26T11:25:00.001-05:00

Last night's Vanier Cup was one of the great ones. Not just for the play and the passion, but for the number of myths and memes put to bed in one game.

Highlights here. Do check out the overtime TD by McMaster for a great of example of the arm tackling Karnak has so often accused the entire OUA of using.

How about some music to set the mood? Click and let it play in the background. I'm sure the humour and meaning behind this clip will be lost on Albertans. More's the pity.

Myths and Memes

Much has been made of the "obvious" strength of the Western Conference in CIS football. Thousands of bits have been spilled over the last couple of years trying, finally in vain, to promote that conference over all others, and over the OUA specifically. Tales are weaved of time zones and biased brackets, and unicorns and evil fairies. Such fancies are things of myth and fear, and this blog will have no truck with them.

On Friday night, Mac didn't just take down Laval, but the myth and meme of the OUA being a weak conference. You can believe your lying eyes, or the statistical reality, but you will goddamn believe.

Smarter people than you have been saying all year that Mac is a good team, and that Quinlan is an amazing quarterback. Yet McMaster did not dominate the OUA, and suffered an early-season loss to Western. Rather, they were tempered in the crucible of the deepest, most talent-rich conference in the CIS. Then they went on to do what Calgary was unable to do, score and win.

In fact, the Dinos, and the Western Conference have been uniquely unable to vanquish Laval in either the Vanier Cup or in the semi-finals. The West has lost 8 Vanier Cup finals since 2000. First off, why so many trips? Unlike the Atlantic Conf. and the OUA, the West has only had to face Laval in the semis 3 times since 2000. So much for the "sweetheart deal" myth about the national semi-finals. The OUA teams have had to face Laval more often in the semi-finals than either of the other conferences. When it comes to scoring against Laval, the OUA and the Atlantic once again come out on top. The much vaunted Calgary Dinosaurs in particular have been hapless against the Rouge et Or, despite having (supposedly) so many offensive weapons. Their porous defense when matched up against any team that can move the ball has shown the top Western team to be a delightful paper dragon.

So for all the Dino fans, and OUA haters, it's time to take your medicine and gird your loins for next year. For now, you're done.

Quien es Mas Macho

2011-11-20T11:57:00.000-05:00

A spirited debate over the merits of rugby vs. American vs. Canadian football should never wallow in the comments.

Take it away Harebell:

Rugby
Bigger field
More opponents to overcome
Only breaks are for injuries and penalties
40 minutes non-stop
Limited substitutions
Progressing the ball is achieved via the foot or by passing it in any direction other than forward and carrying it.
The defence is the offence and vice versa.
Protective gear limited to a weird set of ear muffs, an extra thick woolly pullover and the smell of last nights 15 pints and a vindaloo on your breath. Not to mention sandpaper like stubble.
The kicker plays the entire game.
Kickers can actually kick a moving ball accurately
Kicks are taken from where the ball was when the kick was awarded.
Kickers can position their own ball prior to kicking and don't need someone to hold it for them.
A touch down involves actually touching the ball down.
Players benches consist of just that - a bench. No heaters, no oxygen, no cheerleaders, no medical staff other than a guy in a flat cap who has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and carries a sponge bag with a sponge in it and a small amount of water collected from a puddle.
Coaches communicate by screaming from the side lines, not via radio or that sign language thing.
There is one referee and two guys who couldn't run away quickly enough to maintain control.

Football
Narrow field
Armour
5:1 rest to work ratio when you are actually involved in play.
Each team is made of two complete teams that split the time between them depending on which way they are going.
Some teams have a third team that takes even more playing time away from the other two teams and comes on once every 5 minutes or so to catch or kick the ball.
Kickers get to rest all game and are not made to kick to win after having been bludgeoned for 79 minutes by guys twice their mass.
Heaters/air conditioners by the bench.
A village with all the amenities including a hospital and a small ambulance called the bench.
Money, TV contracts, gyms and fitness facilities most cities would envy.

Fugle?

The only people who give a shit about rugby in Canada are (a) immigrants from rugby playing countries or (b) people who were not good enough to make their high school's football team and have spent the rest of their life convincing themselves that a game no one plays here is actually better. These people are also hipsters, are ugly, and are not athletic. Thus, they exaggerate and are not to be listened to in any circumstance.

Any response Harebell?

Most white folk in Canada are from rugby playing countries.
Most folk who play rugby do so outside of high school because it wasn't offered in high school. but that is changing.
The rest of the world plays rugby, field hockey, soccer and cricket. The minority in terms of sport are the N Americans for whom the euphemism "World Champions" means N American champions, because the sports that they play are marginal and that is a very complimentary way of putting it.

Retorts, both jejune and futile, Fugle?

This reminds me of a situation where a bunch of guys go out for drinks, order beers, and one guy gets the house red. The wine guy goes on and on about how in lots of other places wine is had by men in social situations and how people should realize that wine is the superior drink for the hanging-out male because they do it like that in other countries. What this wine drinking person fails to realize is that this isn't southern Italy, and the insults follow.

Enjoying fringe things and trying to make it seem like they are superior is a mark of being out of touch. I submit that if rugby were superior to football, we'd all be playing it and/or caring about the results of university level games.

Harebell?

Ah so Fugle it is all a matter of the size of the pond you find yourself in. In the large pond where the world is the world and world champions are indeed world champions that phrase means something. Using the same phrase "World Champions" to describe the most successful team in a smaller theatre of operations is somewhat disingenuous.In fact this behaviour could be construed as, "Enjoying fringe things and trying to make it seem like they are superior."
I guess if you can't win at something that everyone else does then you just invent something of your own and declare yourself world champions.
Oh and as for caring:
Canada made it through to the knock out stages of the Rugby World Cup where they were beaten by the eventual winners and hosts this year. How did Canada's international football team do against other nations?
oh yeah that's right, Canadian Football is a kind of masturbatory exercise for its fans, no-one else needed.

Karnak the Anonymous Concern Troll?

Canadians get through life by clinging to a series of delusions:

1) Canada is an important country on the world stage.

2) Canadians are good at things.

3) As a small population country we should expect that we would supply 2/3 of the professional athletes if the rest of the world cared about the sport (e.g. ice hockey).

Russell Peters did a great job explaining why soccer/football cannot be the world's sport if INdia and China with most of the world's population don't play. He has a point.

So with rugby, and cricket (which is worse than rugby), it is played in countries settled by northern europeans back a couple of centuries. The game is most popular in places like Wales, New Zealand, Australia, and South Africa... oh and Tonga and Samoa. For these countries rugby is for them what ice hockey is to Canada. A niche within which they can self-proclaim their importance. Hell, CFL football is the funniest one of all. We picked our own rules to avoid competing head to head with americans. But then Aus, NZ, UK all pick different economic systems, different technology standards, different railway gauges to avoid being part of anything bigger. Sorry, they even drive on the wrong side of the road.

So it is kind of pointless to discuss what sport is better since we have all been raised to believe that whatever we grew up doing must be the best sport. As part of our xenophobic british empire heritage, we have been raised to ridicule anything that is different from what we define as the best.

I will say that when I was in Wales in september I read a lot about rugby in the news and I watched some world cup games. Some were interesting and others not so much. A 6-3 score in rugby is not an indication of much happening other than scrums and groping.

I will say that if Canada had managed to "medal" at the rugby world cup, we would embrace the sport as our own just as we did with trampoline, synchro diving, ski-cross, moguls and speed skating following short lived olympic success. We just give up trying to win anything in track and field or sports that the rest of the world takes seriously. When we do import a Jamaician to win medals he gets caught cheating.

Good stuff all around.

I am going to agree with Fugle that the problem with rugby in North America, is that the best athletes aren't playing it. It's like curling. All the top talent is playing hockey, or basketball, or football.

As for armour, you don't need as much when you are playing a contact sport like rugby. Football is a collision sport. The tackling that happens in football can only happen due to, and as a result of, the type of protective equipment. Take off the helmets and the game changes by necessity. And we can't ignore the fact that rugby players are more and more armoured all the time. This stuff looks like football gear from the 20s. I suppose the evolution is inevitable; they'll soon be covered in gear from head to balls, with only a rule book to tell them apart from their NFL cousins.

Banned in the OUA

2011-11-18T16:34:00.000-05:00

On this blog, much has been made of ethics, especially as they are tangentially related to CIS football.

Commenters have called into question the ethics of the Mustang Football team, and of its fans, both student and alumni. I hesitate to call departing a lost cause a lapse in ethics, but such is the moral compass of those decamped in the combox.

Sadly, poor, even deplorable ethics are present at an "elite" university in Ontario, one with a long tradition of high-level academics and elite athletics.

But it ain't Western (that's a joke opening if I ever saw one).

The Queen's Band has been banned from performing for the remainder of the school year.

A band? A band you say? A banned band? What could a band possibly do that anyone could find offensive?

Oh. Wellllll, that's just good-natured fun and I'm sure the young ladies felt no requirement to perform this delightful stunt, because it's easy to not perform with the rest of the team. So what else ya got?

After the announcement, the Journal received three years of pamphlets entitled ‘The Banner’ which were distributed to band members.

The pamphlets contained phrases like “I will rape you with a lamp” and photos of band members as “people with dicks in their mouths.”

Front page titles over the past three years included: “Mouth raping your little sister since 1905,” “Sucking the nipple and biting the tit since 1905” and “Perpetuating racial stereotypes since 1905.”

Gyaahhh, wellll, um, that's a little more, um, sassy, but this is all internal goofing around. Not like they performed rude or obnoxious or sexist material, right?

Some of the pamphlets included the lyrics of Queen’s Bands songs, which contained phrases like “chew me, screw me, suck me, fuck me, yaaay Queen’s.” There were also heckling suggestions for the annual RMC and Queen’s hockey game, the Carr Harris Cup like “we hope you can shoot the Taliban better than you shoot the puck!”

It simply youthful shenanigans! Besides, it's an isolated incident and, what? Oh.

This isn’t the first time Queen’s Bands has received complaints about their distributed content.

In 2007, the Journal reported that Queen’s Bands issued a letter of apology after flyers distributed for cheerleading tryouts contained lines like “Hotties wanted” and “Do you like this spread” in reference to a sexually suggestive photo.

Of for fuck sake. At least we can take comfort in knowing that this is all due to one administrator with a grudge, right?

AMS President Morgan Campbell said the decision to suspend Queen’s Bands was jointly made with the University administration.
“We also consulted with the Athletics and Recreation and the Advancement office because they’re the ones who invite the bands to represent Queen’s University at a lot of their events,” Campbell, ArtSci ’11, said.
“They were very supportive of the conditions that were placed upon the group.”
Campbell said the material was brought to the AMS’s attention by the office of student affairs.

Is Queen's really so insular? Do these kids live in a bubble so big and so out of touch? Evidently they do. People in London are having an apoplectic fit over the new pro baseball team's logo, that may or may not reference Jack the Ripper. They are upset over a 120-year-old myth and it's implied sexism and violence. Suffice to say, this kind of shit would probably not fly at Western.

This is not political correctness run amuck. These kids can still go to Alfies and get drunk and sing. They just can't call women cunts on the university's dime.

Sorry, I Couldn't Hear You With That Horse Cock in Your Mouth

2011-11-18T12:13:00.000-05:00

Anonymous commenter says:

"Queens has one of canada's elite rugby programs. Jd prefers flag football that is western' s pride and joy."

Reality says: Western Takes Home OUA 2011 Rugby Championship

Coming off a championship loss last year, and having not taken home the Turner Trophy since 2004, the University of Western Ontario Mustangs were finally crowned OUA men’s rugby champions on Sunday afternoon, as they downed the rival Queen’s Gaels 21-15 at TD Waterhouse Stadium.

About that elite status:

Western’s Mike Penczak of Brantford, Ont., collected men’s rugby’s Most Valuable Player award on Friday as the OUA announced its major award recipients and all-stars for the 2011 campaign.

Penczak was one of three players from Western to earn a major award along with Seb Pearson of Lindsay, Ont., and Mike Turnbull of Oakville, Ont. Pearson was honoured as the OUA Rookie of the Year while Turnbull collected the Trillium Award as the league’s Most All-Around Player.

This is the second consecutive year that a player from Western has earned the Most Valuable Player award with Rory Tomlinson of Allison, Ont., taking the honour last season. Western has also had a student-athlete claim the Trillium Award five times in the last seven years.

Do I get tired of being right all the time? All the fucking time?

No.

Now back off; I gots me some shootin' to do!

Another Chapter in the OUA Football Book Titled "Shut the Fuck Up"

2011-11-17T11:04:00.004-05:00

From the combox:

"Mustang ethics are clearly quitting on the team when they are down."
"Western was never in that game and mustang fans didn't hang around after the 3rd quarter"
"I am not sure that football is an "Ontario Thing" anymore."

From the Calgary Herald:

The top-ranked Rouge et Or once again stand in the way of the Dinos’ surge for the top, this time in the confines of McMahon Stadium. How friendly it’ll be, of course, depends on whether Calgary football fans will adopt the Dinos.
“Hopefully, we can get more than 500 fans for this game,’’ sighed Woodson.
“That would be nice. I don’t know how much fear they’re going to set into them if they only see 500,’’ Woodson added...."It’s nice to get another shot at them because the last two times, we got embarrassed."

Yates Cup attendance last weekend: 6556.

Hardy Cup attendance last Friday : 1712.

Here is a porcupine.

Take porcupine and rotate until length of beast is perpendicular to your body.

Shove it up your ass.

Canany canoe that.

South Park Makes a Funny

2011-11-17T10:36:00.001-05:00

The best joke from last night's South.Park?

"Joe Paterno doesn't walk into a police station". Rim shot!

Football is Easy

2011-11-12T17:25:00.001-05:00

Football is easy. If you have only one offensive weapon, and you can't get it to fire, then you are in trouble. If your opponent also has only one weapon, but can fire it at will, you are fucked. Like 30 points of fucked.Choking repeatedly in the first quarter doesn't help either.

Out west, the Calgary Dinos showed what a shitty house league they play in by walking over UBC. Hopefully Laval will fall victim to the 'curse of the time zone' when they head west next week. Mac will probably walk all over Acadia in spite of the same curse, provided their passing game stays as crisp as it was today.

In the end, the Stangs were one game better than Queen's. And isn't that really the most important thing?

Just Which College is the Best?

2011-11-11T10:24:00.001-05:00

If you're in Kingston this weekend, and looking to take in some Golden Gaels athletics, here's what's in store for you.

Basketball (W)
vs University of Guelph

Basketball (M)
vs University of Guelph

If sports aren't your thing, you can take in a play. Dust is playing at the Rotunda Theatre, 21 Brothers is showing at the Screening Room, and the Kingston Chamber Choir will warbling at St. George's on Sunday.

What you won't be doing is watching your glorious band of football all-stars play a single down. If you're looking for them, they'll be outside of Alfies, showing off their Q tattoos, and looking for someone, anyone, to tell them to buck up and wait for next year.

Sort of like this, but more drunk. More sad too.

There's Gold In Them Thar Reruns

2011-11-10T14:57:00.001-05:00

I...It's...Um...Yeah.

2011-11-08T15:58:00.000-05:00

This video does not have enough hits.

I don't have any explanation for this, so here's is Sky's bio from his Youtube channel (he's the blonde guy). Fun fact, E is his dad. Just sayin', because that makes is funnier somehow.

Website:http://myspace.com/skyzyourman
Formerly a high school teacher, I'm now working to pursue my interests in music.
You can buy my first album at CD Baby while supplies last!http://cdbaby.com/cd/skysmith
Add me on myspace!: http://myspace.com/skyzyourman
Formation Date:Sep 27, 1998
Record Label:Sky Bright RecordsLabel Type:IndependentBand Members:Sky Smith (I do mostly everything)
Influences:Britney Spears, Eminem, Michael Jackson, Timbaland, Nelly Furtado
Hometown:Miami
Occupation:Ex-High School Teacher (Geometry, Alg II, Pre-Calculus, AP Psychology), tutor, personal trainer, song writer, musician, model
Companies:I have worked for Solutionex, University of Florida, Dr. Michael M. Krop Sr. High School
Schools:University of Florida ('05)
Interests:Photography, television, gym, gardening, and music.
Books:Think and Grow Rich. Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite.

Sometimes dreaming isn't enough, you know?

What Was That You Said?

2011-11-06T08:51:00.001-05:00

Actual comments from actual people on actual blog posts.

"Calgary and Queen's have less to prove than western as they have much better percentages when it comes to winning the big games."

"Queen's has always had a prudent offence and if that means taking 3 with certainty over 7 with probability, then so be it. Western should marvel at how "strategy" can be a useful part of the game."

"You don't actually like your team, you like the idea of your team winning,"

How do you like Queen's Football now?

"Yessir, fuck Queen's,"

"Queen's which tends to win the vainer cups they appear"

At least that won't be a problem. Again.

"Western can be proud of finishing first in the Ontario houseleague this year"

Queen's can be even more proud of coming 5th in a house league.

"Enjoy the bye week. It should be your last chance to live with the delusion that this is a championship season."

"So accounting for the Gaels' clear superiority as a football program,"

That one is particularly funny. Because Queen's lost. Badly. Blown out in fact.

"This focus on your team's shortcomings is all just a smokescreen to obscure the glittering gem that is the Queen's football program in the build up to this week's game."

Remember what I said? "The fact remains that Queens can't put the ball in the end zone."

That's a point I hammered home and by gar, it's true. The offense can't score and the defensive secondary looks like a bunch of high school second-stringers. Simply terrible.

Let's recap, Western on to the Yates Cup for the fifth straight year, Queen's beaten like the eggs whites in a soufflé. Soufflés tend to collapse easily when startled by a loud noise or if poked lightly. Sort of like this:

In other CIS Football news, Calgary benefited from the time change in its win over the University of Regina Rams.

Western, Western, Western U
College fair and square
Arts and Meds are strong for you
Deny it if you dare.
White and purple colours areworn by all who know
Just which college is the best
Come and let us show.
That this U is our U and for her we'll strive to
Do our best to fight with might and mane.
We will always adore her
Our old Alma Mater
Western School of Fame.
When Western U goes marching down the field
We know our team will never ever yield
And though the other team has lots of pep
When they see our team they'll
Know they're out of step.
And when the game goes down in history
It's just another Western victory
Let all our cheers go out forWestern U, Western U
Rah, Rah, Raaaahh.
KINNANY, KINNANY, KANANNY, KANOO
It's a HULLABA, HULLABA, HULLABALU
Rickity, Rickity, Rackity Roo
High up, Sky up, Western U.
W - E - S - T - E - R - N
WESTERN! WESTERN! WESTERN!

Feeling Good. I Wonder Why?

2011-11-06T08:05:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling warm and fuzzy and cozy. I can't quite pin this on any one thing. It must just be in the air.

So, did anybody watch any football yesterday?

Why You Should Listen To The Eagle

2011-11-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

Eagle FM, Oneida Radio, FM 89.5 in London Ontario is a gem. True pirate radio. Here are three songs played this morning. Three in a row. No talking, no ads, no explanations for this greatness. There is bingo later at night though. It's a good way to learn your numbers and letters in the Oneida language.

That gem was followed by, of course, Marty Robbins.

The third song? Instrumental jazz. Of course it was instrumental jazz. No, I don't know what it was; do I look like Paul Wells?

Best station ever.

Oh Really? My Bad

2011-10-31T10:27:00.000-04:00

Put this comment under "Things I didn't realise about Alan Moore":

"Alan Moore is NOT one of the world's greatest living authors. He's a mediocre hack who steals ideas from folklore, myth and legend and mixes them up into a vulgar stew of semi-literate fare that is only famous because it is read by the stupid, the uneducated and the moronic comic-book crowd who don't know any better. Anyone who has actually studied the things Moore talks about gets a sour feeling in their gut when reading him. Saying he's a great author shows how banal and disgusting modern writing has become. Moore glorifies a rapist, drug-addled, depressed mindset, whose writing is as attractive and sophisticated as a masturbating homeless person. Both he and Neil Gaiman are the worst "best writers" I've ever read. They're into despair and ugliness. Other than "life sucks, and is full of pain", have either of them ever made any other point with their writing? No. They're both miserable people, and want to inflict that misery on everything and everyone else. For Christ's sake, look at what Moore did to the fairy tale princesses. He made them victims of rape, child molestation, drug abuse, and torture. Yeah, GREAT writing!"

Even if that is all true, look how cool Alan is when drawn in black and white.So there.

Don't Worry Dinos, This Loss is Different. Because! Shut Up!

2011-10-31T09:58:00.000-04:00

A surging UBC Thunderbirds football team took down the previously unbeaten Calgary Dinosaurs on Satturday, 36-23. The Calgary secondary was particularly woeful. It should be noted that in spite of their supporters desire to preemptively mark this game with an asterix, the Dinos sat only one starter. After a sub-performance in their win over Manitoba last week, the Dinos will have their hands full with Regina next week. Luckily, Regina will have to suffer through a time change, and as the football gurus from the west have let us know in great and painful detail, no team can survive playing in a different time zone.

In the OUA, Queen's eked out a win against Laurier 14-10. Holy balls Queen's they looked shitty, except for that Aprile kid. He is comically fast and talented. The Queen's secondary, on the other hand, did look like the Pop Warner team our anonymous commenter has portrayed them as all year. Terrible, terrible defense against the pass, and their O-line did not look remotely prepared for pass defense. Queen's was fortunate that Laurier couldn't score without committing a penalty, or that their quarterback couldn't make a pass to his own receivers once they were inside the 20. On the plus side for Queen's; they have coaches who are related and enjoy their jobs. This condition is unpossible to imagine existing anywhere else ever in the history of the world. Such is the deficit of imagination that seems to be a prerequisite for the job, or the result of living in Kingston.

Look for Calgary, and Queen's, to exit the playoffs early this year. They've peaked, and their defensive holes are too great to overcome. Certainly this will be the result for Queen's who just can't run the ball into the end zone, despite the skill of Ryan Granberg. While Granberg did run for the most yards in the CIS this year, he came a distant fourth to Riva from Western, Levesque from Laval, and Varga from Western, who put the ball in the end zone 15 times, accounting for 36 more points for Western than Granberg put up for the Gaels. Certainly a fair chunk of the blame must go to the offensive line for repeatedly choking in the red zone. Luckily for Queen's, Village has been kicking field goals with a 50% average. While this may be at the bottom of the CIS rankings, it has been good enough to make up for their 2-and-out offense.

These should be some fun playoffs. Even if the OUA sucks.

CIS Football Open Thread

2011-10-29T13:32:00.002-04:00

To help you take in the game of your choice:

Queen's & Laurier on The Score
Mobile Versions: iPhone iPad Blackberry/Android

On the Streaming Sports Network

Ottawa vs. Windsor
McGill vs. Concordia
Bishop's vs. Laval
St. FX vs. Acadia

Shithead

2011-10-27T20:56:00.002-04:00

I don't know why, or who, or why. I'm pretty sure I don't care.

Inconceivable!

2011-10-27T11:05:00.001-04:00

From the Kingston Whig Standard via a link from Always OUA comes the charming, feel-good story of the decade. Queen's Golden Gaels football team head coach Pat Sheahan has coached, and works with, his sons.

In an otherwise innocuous little piece, comes this comedic gem from eldest son Ryan:

"I don't know how many people in the world can say they love what they do and get to do it with their father and their kid brother," said Ryan Sheahan, a quarterbacks coach/video co-ordinator...

Really? You can't think of any other families that work together? How about coaches who work with or coach their sons/sons? Nobody?

Some Cheese For Your Western Wine

2011-10-26T00:14:00.000-04:00

Having let us all know that they consider the Football Reporters of Canada CIS top 10 to be utter bullshit, here is a Power Top Ten for the CIS that should satisfy Fugle and Nonny.

Perhaps you like the FRC rankings now? That would be true to form.

Some People Get it, Part II

2011-10-25T10:03:00.000-04:00

Another great commentary from the Super Happy Fun Slide this time on the Queen's - Western game (debacle?) from last weekend.

Leave it to a 'Stang to ask the tough questions.

"As last Saturday's Western-Queen's game spiraled out of control I found myself conflicted. Usually that isn't the case: Queen's=bad, Western=good. Although the whooping that the Gaels administered wasn't a whole lot of fun to behold, I was more conflicted about the Mustang-side of the unequal equation. I'll be a purple booster till the cows come home--No, the cow reference isn't in relation to the fact that I was one of those carefree dreamers that thought Guelph had a shot at a five win regular season--, but my despondent thoughts drifted around the duty that a team is bound by, in fielding a competitive squad. Even though I fear my UWO student and alumni card may be confiscated and cut up, tonight's article deals with the issue of sportsmanship and the responsibility to play like you mean it, in relation to Western's decision to rest the majority of their difference-makers and game-changers."

It gets better. Go and read. Especially Fugle and Nonny, as they tend to skim.

Music to Enjoy Please

2011-10-25T09:49:00.000-04:00

One of the lesser-known, and under appreciated songs from the Thompson Twins oeuvre.

Someone Gets It

2011-10-23T17:41:00.000-04:00

Some people just get it, some people don't. Here's a blogger and CIS football fan who does:

"Sorry guys, whether one can stomach the fact or not, Mustang football has proven itself to be historically essential to the Canadian university sports-scholastic landscape. Considering historical relevance and the extra dimension that this year's Mustang offensive spectacle has become, the purple ponies are simply more demanding and worthy of a larger serving of the media's attention. The CIS and OUA put their best foot forward when the best rivalries and critical match-ups are showcased; this week, theScore should have been in the Forest City.

I know that I'm not really saying anything that isn't grudging acknowledged, in some circles, but sometimes it just has to be said."

Really, what more need be said?

Gael's Offense Sputters Against Stangs in Season Finale

2011-10-22T18:49:00.000-04:00

For the Queen's football team, Saturday's game was all about missed opportunity. Matching their first-string offense against a collection of bench warmers, they could only manage two majors against a relaxed, but undermanned Western defense. Other than an 88-yard romp by running back Ryan Granberg in the first, it fell to the leg of kicker Dan Village to put points on the board for the unranked Gaels. The second half featured more of the same as the Gaels were unable to turn good field position into touchdowns. Forced to rely on the rouge and kicks for points, Queen's finally managed a 1-yard plunge late in the game with the outcome not in doubt.

Overall this doesn't bode well for Queen's as they suffered some major injuries to key players, including one torn MCL, while Western has two weeks off before they return to full strength. Western chose to not dress over 15 players either recovering from injuries, or kept out of what was a meaningless contest in terms of the regular season in order to avoid being victims of cheap shots. A smart play by Western and one that should take them to final game of the season.

American Snake Handler Advises on Child Care

2011-10-17T16:32:00.001-04:00

American "academic" Dimitri Christakis has some interesting ideas when it comes to the developing brains of the young child. Christakis, director of the Seattle Children's Research Institute (clearly a front organisation for evangelical snake handlers), made waves last month with a study he had published in the journal Pediatrics. "The study made headlines with its finding that four-year-olds who watched nine minutes of the fast-paced show SpongeBob SquarePants had more difficulty paying attention and solving problems than kids who watched a slower-paced show or drew." More shocking is the statement from Christakis that ""Toddlers' brains develop best through interaction with..and by playing with...rattlers". You read that correctly. Expose your defenseless baby to poisonous snakes, or condemn them to a life of cart gathering at Food Basics.

This "deal with the devil" mindeset is shocking to say the least. To know that the Montessori House of Children would allow this kind of nonsense to be put on in their name is equally hard to believe. Let it be known that the Montessori House of Children did not respond to any of my (psychic) phone calls, so clearly they are avoiding the huge public backlash coming their way.

Ask yourself, is that this how you improve the mind of your child, or is this simply fear-mongering to get people back into church pews and snake collecting. I think the answer to all these questions is obvious.

Some Intelligent Football Talk

2011-10-11T00:00:00.002-04:00

Not talk really, more like paint-by-numbers.

Let's take a look at the OUA standings as of this past weekend.

	GP	W	L	PF	PA	PTS	Win %	Last 10	Streak
Western	6	6	0	290	136	12	1.000	6-0	Won 6
McMaster	6	5	1	201	116	10	0.833	5-1	Won 4
Ottawa	6	4	2	189	118	8	0.667	4-2	Won 1
Queen's	6	4	2	169	103	8	0.667	4-2	Won 4

That looks about right.

How about the national rankings as of Oct. 4?

1. Laval (1)
2. Western (2)
3. Calgary (3)
4. Sherbrooke (5)
5. McMaster (6)
6. Montreal (4)
7. Saskatchewan (9)
8. Saint Mary’s (7)
9. UBC (8)
10. Windsor (NR)

Everything seems to be in order. I guess we need a song to finish up here.

UpdateI guess I should be fair. Here are the national rankings from today:
1. Western (2)
2. Calgary (3)
3. Laval (1)
4. Sherbrooke (4)
5. Montreal (6)
6. McMaster (5)
7. Saskatchewan (7)
8. Saint Mary’s (8)
9. UBC (9)
10. Ottawa (NR)

Much better. So much better it requires another song. Oh yeah, fuck Queen's.

If It's Thanksgiving...

2011-10-10T19:06:00.000-04:00

Then I'm at the beach.

One of the benefits to living in Southwestern Ontario is that the weather is still warm at Thanksgiving. Warm enough for a trip to Port Stanley and a (not so healthy) dinner at Mackies. No drama, no clean up. As a bonus, we were serenaded in Spanish by the fine gentleman shown below.

So there you go Kevin; no tits, but proof positive of a family tradition kept up for one more year.

A Song and A Recommendation

2011-10-04T09:22:00.000-04:00

I have been listening to a lot of 80s music lately. Not the usual Hall 'n Oates schlock, but good stuff. As the Winnie The Pooh song goes, "Look around, it can be found". One place you can find it is at SomaFM on their Underground 80s channel. This is the music I didn't know existed until I went to university way back in 85. There I met people who weren't raised in the Musical Death Valley that is London Ontario. It turned out that the rest of the word wasn't listening to shit. It was a bit of a revelation, like mushrooms.

My second plug is for TuneIn Radio. Their web page is the basic pile of good stuff you expect from internet radio. What they do really well is their app for the Iphone/IPad. Holy balls that is well thought out. The free version is great, but the paid version is well worth the $5 for the addition of record option. It's like having a pvr for your radio. You can rewind up to an hour of audio for whenever you miss something. After getting used to that function on a pvr, I've found listening to radio frustrating when I can't rewind a part I missed because some damn kid wouldn't stop yelling, or somebody's dog had to let the entire neighbourhood know that somebody is 500 m from the house. I have eyes you stupid animal, stop barking at me. And why can't you children just do the one damn thing I ask? Is that so much to ask?

Where was I?

Oh yeah, The Sparks. Heard this on SomaFM. Haven't heard it since I owned a skinny red-leather tie. I like they way they almost challenge the audience with the start of the song. Sort of, "Yeah, we'll start. Eventually."

Movie Award Proposal

2011-09-27T14:01:00.000-04:00

David here: This is a guest post from one of my frequent readers:

I would like to propose a new award, perhaps given out on the JimDandy blog,

 that celebrates bad tennis in movies.  I would propose that we call it the

 "Terry Thomas Hard Cheese Award".

My inspiration for this award comes from watching "Bridesmaids" which portrayed

a vicious women's doubles match.  Where a player gets tubed maybe one a season this

match depicted four or 5 tubings of the gals boobs.  The strokes were awful to watch.

Indeed, i challenge you to find a worse tennis scene in the movies, excluding those

with Dick Van Patten including the tv series "8 is enough".

Here is the clip that helped to inspire the Terry Thomas Hard Cheese Award, starring

non other than Terry Thomas in "School for Scoundrels"

 The phones are open and operators are standing by. Bad tennis in movies or tv. Let's

here what both of you have to say.

Bathing In Stupid, 'Cause You're Too Smart To

2011-09-20T10:22:00.009-04:00

Once again, it's time to bathe in the paranoia and the stupidity that is "The View From Space", starring everyone's favourite researcher of the global conspiracy, Gary "The Spaceman" Bell. You can follow along yourself now with this handy player!

No, I don't think you clicked play. You have a life and self respect.

You know, taking apart and identifying all the nonsense in one of Gary's shows is not easy. It's like trying to point out the logic holes and missing plot points in a story told by an excited 6-year-old. There is so much wrong content, by the time you refute one point, they are already onto the part where the dragon spanked them 'cause Daddy didn't eat the milk that ouch my back is sorenoIdon'twantmilkstoptouchingmelittlebrother and when can I watch some Sponge Bob?

So, we'll focus on the big stuff.

Evidently a lion with crown is the symbol of the tribe of Judah. This lion is found on the crest of the house of Windsor, which proves that they are trying to set up a one world government.

Except...

This lion has been used as a symbol for the very late Emperor Haile Selassie of Ethiopia. And what were his royal titles? Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah and King of Kings and Elect of God. In other words, Selaisse was the one setting up a One World Government (cue the chorus of boos), but was cut down by the Italians before his evil plan could come to fruition (chorus of cheers!). But they were bad Italians (more boos!). Then he was assassinated 45 years later (murmur murmur). Whatever, all that matters is that the symbol of the tribe of Judah, that of a lion wearing a crown, is a secretly overt message from the Illuminati to everyone who can read a book, that the person, or thing, with this symbol, is secretly openly part of the conspiracy to take over the world. That is why the symbol, that of a lion wearing a crown, is so rare. When you see it, it stands out like a stream of bat's piss, does it not? You see, the Illuminati love their sacred symbols; sacred this, sacred that, it's all about the sacred with them. The coronated lion? Super sacred.

This Dinar, from 350 CE, totally part of the conspiracy.

MLB, getting your brain ready for the takeover

Take a look at this sacred image. Look closer...

Your eyes tell you true, Natasha Henstridge has a tattoo of a lion wearing a crown on her right gluteal. Henstridge is obviously part of the Hollywood elite, and has two sons, Tristan River Waite and Asher Sky Waite. River and sky, sea and air. Natasha was born in Newfoundland, also known (cue the dramatic ground hog)

The Rock. Land, sea, sky. Plainly obvious to you now is the fact that Natasha Henstridge has given birth to the two new heirs to the New/One/All Lizard All Jazz World Government. It's not Harry and William, is Skye and River. As Gary always says, look at the bloodlines.

Natasha Hendstridge, born August 15, 1974 is a Canadian fashion model turned actress. She was born in Springdale, Newfoundland. Newfoundland, which in French is Terre Neuve, meaning "New Land". Note the crest of Springdale,

Three trees representing the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. 1 box + 2 triangles = 3 shapes, 3 is a sacred number. 6 blue lines & 6 white lines, 12 or double six, double sacred 6. It's so obvious. Of course, the red cross, symbol of the Merovingian blood lines which run deep in Terra Nova, from first settler Nicholas Peters right through to Henstridge's father, Brian.

After Natasha's birth, her parents were rewarded by being promoted to the Fort McMurray branch of the NWO in order to keep an eye on the Illuminati's oil reserves. Make no mistake, this was a promotion. Fort McMurray, built on the confluence of the Clearwater and Athabasca Rivers, a visual guide to the Merovingian promise of the two leaders to come, one good, one purest good.

From there Henstridge moved on to a career in high fashion and movie stardom, tripping the light fantastic with the elite of the Illuminati. Notably, she started her career in Paris (knowing chuckle). Anyone who has read "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" knows this city to be the true birthplace of the Merovingians. Other than Jerusalem of course. Finally, when the stars aligned so that Venus eclipsed Saturn (their holy and sacred planet) she bore two sons by Liam Waite, a direct descendant of Julius Caesar (not intended as a factual statement). These two boys, named after the five elements, are to be the new Romulus and Remus, destined to take the world forwards after the unholy conflagration of 2020. You see, in 2020, the world will be reeling from the two terms of President Romney. Romney, as a Mormon, is a satanist (listen at about 30 min. to Space). He is being played for a patsy; his job is to break the world and to ready it for River Skye (as the boys will be known). With their famous mother as their "rock", they will use their international stardom, which will overshadow that of even the Olson Twins, to propel them to the co-presidency of the New World Government. Then, and finally then, the Merovingian bloodline will be once again astride the throne of the Holy See and poised with its foot on the neck of the world.

What is my point in all of this?

More Allo Darlin'

2011-09-20T10:10:00.003-04:00

Two more songs from Allo Darlin', "Darren" and "Wu Tang Clan". From the band's website,

"Side A is a song called "Darren". It's about listening to records when you're embarking on a new romance.

Side B is a song called "Wu Tang Clan". It was written by Darren Hayman and John Morrison when they were known as The French. This song is also about listening to records.

This record is officially sanctioned by Darren Hayman. Of course."

&amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://allodarlin.bandcamp.com/album/darren"&amp;amp;amp;gt;Darren by Allo Darlin'&amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;gt;

Two great songs about those days when you had time to hang out and fall in love over records. Endless hours of talking and listening, of wine and coffee, and of your heart exploding from all you won't say.

Something to Drink Your Coffee To

2011-09-20T10:02:00.001-04:00

Allo Darlin' with "Dreaming". I like the hint of 80s Brit-pop new wave. New retro I call it.

The Boy King

2011-09-09T23:01:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, he said "monkey". Flat out racist.

Je regrette mes faiblesses

2011-09-09T22:41:00.002-04:00

Why hang out with smart people when you can stay home and watch bad video?

I think I'll watch and blog about "Les Filles De Caleb" next. That smells like hits.

Tuesday Dance Party

2011-08-23T10:36:00.003-04:00

This happy, super-poppy, dance-ready ditty seems to be woefully underplayed on retro radio. Obviously this is a travesty of such immense proportion that only a blog post can correct. Universe, you're welcome.

Here is an audio-only version of the album track. If you really need to see it, go here for the original video. The quality is terrible and the audio is a bit out of synch.

Today, You're All Dicks

2011-08-22T10:29:00.004-04:00

Sadly, Jack Layton has died. Even sadder is the execrable manner in which people offer their condolences in online fora. I know, big hairy surprise Captain Obvious.

Here's a pro tip folks; just say you're sorry and shut up. It's quick and easy and won't make you look like a dick. "I'm sorry to hear of his passing". Quick and classy.

Here is a sampling from the National Post today. It's the same thing over at the Globe and Mail.

God rest, Jack. I never voted for the NDP, nor ever will. But you were a man of class, kindness and true leadership. Canada lost a good statesman.

Rochester Van Jones
I had a feeling he wasn't going to make it, this time.
He may not have stood up for what I believed in but at least he stood up for it.

somebodyshort
From this Liberal, condolences to the family. I may not have agreed with him but I did respect his opinion. You will be greatly missed, Jack. You were one of the good ones.

ReadsThePaper
Never agreed with Jack's politics, but he seemed to be a decent man and an honourable politician. Condolences to his family and friends.

Capt_ Contrail
Jack's political leanings and that of his party are not mine.

Condolences to Mr. Layton's family.

May he rest in peace.

Fiscal Conservative
My condolences to Olivia Chow and family. Rest in peace, Jack.

We may not have agreed on much, but you certainly brought interesting discourse to the political table.

scaleworker
A truly sad day for the Dippers, with-out Union Jack at the helm. RIP

Athom1100
Rest in peace Jack... though we are political opposites that does not remove the fact that we are both Canadian and human alike. Very, very sorry to hear this.

-A.Thompson
Kirkland Lake, ON

NeilPage
Very sorry to hear of his passing, as while I never agreed with the NDP on much, you can't help but admire this mans drive and passion for politics. Cancer is a thief... and all of Canada has been robbed by Jacks death.

NeilPage
Very sorry to hear of his passing, as while I never agreed with the NDP on much, you can't help but admire this mans drive and passion for politics. Cancer is a thief... and all of Canada has been robbed by Jacks death.

Skulldug
Rest now Jack. Though your politics wasn't in line with mine, you were a truly likeable man. Condolences to Olivia and his children.

ponyexpress
That's very sad news. Though I didn't agree with his political views, he was a strong leader with a good head for politics. He will be missed. Condolences to his family and loved ones.

Nobody gives a good goddamn if you agreed with him or not. Or is that how you roll at the funerals you attend? "My god but he was an asshole. Hated him. Sorry for your loss." What is it about some of you people that you need to protect your political purity before you can offer condolences? Will there be a test to see if you liked him the next time you and your fellow oxygen-sucking pensioners gather at the McDonald's to hoard papers and drink cheap coffee for 8 hours a day? I'm the very last person who should be lecturing anyone on tone, so take this as an indicator of what a cheap shot you are taking.

You can all eat a bag of salted dicks.

Update:

Kate and her band of fucktards can eat the first bag. http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/archives/017596.html.

Remember that pile of crap next time someone complains that "both sides do it".

Always Something Dumber Than the Last Thing

2011-08-16T12:39:00.005-04:00

The only thing cuter than scrapbook bloggers

From a super cutesy, all-cuddle kittens blog, comes this gem of a comment:

"I found your blog through the smack blog, and have to be honest, the person above is very rude and need a bit of an education on understanding that a BLOG is not a place for a discussion but rather, a place to lay down information and be consumed. Not any different than the gadget known as a Television."

See? I told you fuckers not to comment rudely on this blog. This place is "...MY personal blog and it is all about me, myself and i. i am blogging about my life and ~~scrapbooking~~ making fun of emotionally stunted unicorn lovers is a huge part of that." Pout, LOL, happy face!!!!!

Speaking of LOLs, the bloggess who runs the golden candy apple sunshine factory responded to some slight criticism with this, not-to-be forgotten, rejoinder:

"you do all this damage anonymous, typing mean words to a person that never did anything against you. would you not say that this is quiet childish!? please, people, have a bit respect!
i really hope you learned your lesson! if you have to be mean, at least have the courage to show your face.

no xoxo attached, rahel"

No xoxo attached indeed. Q fucking ED people, she held off the xoxos and accused another cuddle bunny of being childish.

So rich it's fondant.

I did try to help out Little Miss Lollipop with the suggestion that she moderate her comments, which she moderated out of existence after changing her original post to fit the new meme of being a victim. At least she's learning, and that's what we're all here for.

Dear Sir, You Are Dumb

2011-08-05T15:52:00.000-04:00

The short strokes are that Western is putting up a 22m microwave tower on its property. From the London Free Press:

"The University of Western Ontario, which owns the land, needs the tower for a faster, wireless Internet connection to its main campus, said the museum’s Neal Ferris."

Artifacts stored at the museum are photographed in detail. The museum’s cable system can’t transmit the large photo files, which is why the tower is needed, said project consultant Kevin McIlmurray, an engineer at Spriet Associates."

Pretty simple. But too simple for "...Sandy Levin, who chairs Nature London’s conservation committee, [who] questions if that’s all the tower will be used for."

I like the ominous tone, the portent of dire consequences. What sort of shenanigans could UWO have in mind for the poor (not so much) residents of Whitehills? Mr. Levin has his concerns and, like Alex Jones, he sees beyond the pr and gets to the nub of the conspiracy: ""If the only purpose (of the tower) is to transmit photos, is the university going to take it down after they’re done transmitting those photos?" he asked."

Exactly. Why is Western even building a tower if they are only going to send one set of photos? Don't they have a DVD burner? A thumb-drive?

Bring it home Sheila Bodden, you concerned citizen you.

"“How is it going to affect us, not just our property, but as people?”".

Won't anyone think of the taxpayers? Anyone?

Allman & Osmond, Together for the First Time

2011-08-05T14:48:00.002-04:00

Wanna see Greg Allman and Donny Osmond rock the pearly whites? I bet you didn't know that you did.

Gaze deeply at the shameful thing known as the Music Business. Only money could create such a monstrosity. Only filthy lucre and non-binding contracts could account for such an aberration in the cosmic balance. Plus it's funny.

Some thoughts...

David Cassidy is evidently not a guitar player.

Good to see John Entwistle finally getting something he can sink his teeth into.

Frankie Avalon is a horn player?

Cher would have married Greg if she knew he could rawk the keyboard like that.

Max Weinberg doesn't age.

The intros took longer than the song, which included a reprise of the intros, of supposedly famous people not needing introduction. It's not like the audience was you and "urban". Dick Clark, making us all dumber for 4000 years.

Tastes Like Fucking Profits

2011-08-05T10:12:00.000-04:00

From the very creative mind of the handsome Miles Fisher, it's

Pinkberry: 3D!

Pinkberry 3D from Miles Fisher on Vimeo.

‪Mad Scientists and Tin Foil Collectors

2011-08-03T10:38:00.000-04:00

Thank Zeus for crazy people and crazy ideas. They make life so much more interesting.

When they make it so I can walk through my daily life in augmented reality, I'm giving my wife way bigger tits.

‪One of These Things Is Just Like the Other

2011-07-20T10:51:00.001-04:00

Something was bugging me about Marcus Bachmann. Not his obvious homophobia and crazy "pray away the gay" therapy. No, it was the sneaking suspicion that I had seen him, and this little passion play, before.

Here is Marcus and his bearded lady (or is he the beard?) dancing at a political rally.

Where else have a seen a 50ish man, acting the beard for a grasping, power-mad, possibly insane, middle-aged woman with a really huge ass? Why does this tale of a psycho married to a stylishly-grey and obviously gay man, seem so familiar.

Because I have seen it before, and as with all bad American tv shows, the BBC did it first and better. Like they did with "Man About the House", "Absolutely Fabulous", and "Life on Mars", the providers of pop entertainment in the US have given us Bachmann Crazy Overdrive, a weak remake of the BBC original. It first appeared on the tele in 2007 as "The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle" and simply did not need remaking.

Like all good BBC shows, only Canadians and left-leaning Americans will have seen it and be in on the joke. The rest of the U.S. will continue to think that Jack Tripper is an original comic jewel and that Payne was a clever bit of comedy about a hotelier obsessed with his competition and his amusingly foreign bellhop.

Jared, paving the way for fat fancy boys on either side of the Atlantic.

Please To Enjoy

2011-07-15T10:37:00.001-04:00

‪Shonen Knife "Top of the World"

Friday can't be all about whining.

‪No Disco Like Italian Disco

2011-07-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

‪Gary Low - I Want You, from 1983. It's sort of reassuring to know that all music sucked in 1983, not just the stuff I was listening to.

I'm serious, there must have been a worldwide mandate to publish extra-bad music in 1983.

From Australia:

From, well, everywhere:

No feeling of nostalgia at all, just regret that I remember all of the 80's. It's this kind of crap that has pushed the Alpha Geek to immerse himself in Shonen Knife and Puffy Ami Yumi, so deep are the cultural scars.

I can take solace in the truism that those who forget history are bound to wear leggings and neon bracelets again and have really bad feathered-hair. I say, never again.

The Sun Has Fried My Brain But I Was Hoping For Poached

2011-07-13T22:22:00.005-04:00

Some thoughts on Port Stanley and it's lovely beach.

Evidently some young folks have taken "Jersey Shore" to be an instructional manual and not a cautionary tale.

What do you know, turns out tattoos will look bad after 20 years of weight gain. Just like we thought 20 years ago.

You should stop drinking so much that you look that way. Side note, value your teeth.

For the love of all things holy, put on a fucking shirt. Be ashamed of that swollen carcass you call a body. Do not embrace it, do not display it; go for a walk and back off the chips until you are suitably out of shape. What you are now is an insult to evolution. What you are is proof that humans can live on plastic and metal shavings for food. Which, I guess, is a testament to evolution. Regardless, robe.

Seriously, enough with the ink. Seriously. Second side note; steroids, not gone, not forgotten. Just popular with douche bags who can't throw a football. Who brings a pointy, leather projectile into a crowded environment when they can't throw it properly? You look like a bunch of idiots lobbing ducks at each other, which you don't catch 'cause it might hurt your baby-soft hands. Sweet christ I hope your fathers are embarrassed by you. I know I'm embarrassed for them. Get a Zim Zam and leave the pigskin at home you useless clods.

The Sights and Sounds

2011-07-05T23:20:00.006-04:00

Here are some of the sights and sounds of the London International Food Festival. The Festival boasted of over 100 craft vendors, 55 food booths with cuisine from around the world and "cultural entertainment" featuring singers and dancers. This London tradition (since 2006) took place. That sentence is not a mistake.

Craft vendors

The exotic cuisine from around the world, in both sample and full meal sizes.

As for music, here is what was promised. Here is what was delivered.

Only worse and louder.

Luckily the lollipops were a uniform $4
at every booth they were sold.
They do
look yummy though.

Devoid of focus, short on food and fun, this is one tradition that needs a rework, or a trip to the dustbin. And lose the three-ride "midway" while your at it; they made a shitty event look even worse.

Can't Some Things Stay Private?

2011-06-19T23:11:00.001-04:00

Or illegal? I'm good either way.

Another One For Sleep-Deprived Parents of Children and Cats

2011-06-17T09:51:00.000-04:00

To All the Parents

2011-06-16T10:45:00.003-04:00

...who irritate me. Your child is not a fashion accessory. My kid's better anyway.

Check out more Eli Braden while you're killing time today. Gay Ray, the Reggae Gay is seriously funny. Fans of the The Boys will in particular like "I Love You Period".

Some Truth Telling

2011-06-14T11:57:00.002-04:00

Courtesy of Robert Kirkman and Invincible #80.

In case you are confused, here is the back story.

DC doesn't need to make the stories more basic and dump years of history, they need to make comics easier to buy. Not just digitally, but in the weekly/monthly format. Put them where I am and I will buy them. There are still magazine racks in every grocery store and pharmacy; add a few comics on a lark, will ya?

It Always Leads to Motörhead

2011-06-14T11:43:00.000-04:00

Sean Twist got me to thinking about Cliff Richard, which lead me to thinking about The Young Ones, which can only lead to Motörhead. And so another morning at work is wasted away.

Wait, you didn't think I meant the other Young Ones, did you?

Spaceman Gary Bell, A Tsunami of Stupid

2011-06-06T10:10:00.011-04:00

Quite the picture; our big blue marble as seen from the cupola on the ISS. You can see more like it with a simple Google search. Unless you are the Spaceman, Gary Bell or if you are one of his slavering sycophants; then you ignore the photographic evidence and claim that no photos exist of the earth taken from the ISS. Cause it's a scam man! Even though you can see the ISS with your own eyes, and you can see pictures taken of it from the ground, it doesn't exist. Cause, cause, the Masons! Satanic hobbits! Dingos ate my baby!

From the same show (May 28, 2011), Spaceman claims that Heath Ledger died in the area known as the Five Points in New York City and that this part of New York "forms a perfect pentagram" (90:30) . Let's nit pick this bit of Space-fact (tm.). Ledger died in his home at 421 Broome Street, in Chinatown. Not in the Five Points. Yes he lived close, but he lived outside the dreaded pentagram. A pentagram created by the boundaries of five streets, Mulberry, Little Water, Anthony, Cross, and Orange. Of these, only Mulberry Street remains. As for the perfect pentagram ("one of the most powerful symbols in witchcraft" - Spaceman), here it is as expressed by the Five Points

Yup. Practically perfect in every way. Terrifying too. I am left to wonder if there are more of these evil pentagrams to be found in my environs.

Oh crap, look here:

Hickory Corner to Wrightmans Corners to Strathroy, another "perfect pentagram". This, just tens of kilometres from my home. Practically on my doorstep. More importantly, do you see what is bounded by this avatar of Venus? The Bear Creek Golf and Country Club. The bear is the symbol of Arthur, the Bear of Britain. Arthur possessed the holy blood of Christ, the Holy Grail. Look at Bear Creek's logo, a blood-red shield. It's like they are poking us in the eye with the link they have to the Merovingians. So obvious so as to be ignored but still possessing great power.

Not really. But you see how easy it is to spout this kind of bullshit.
The difference is that this is just a blog with a couple of readers. Gary is on mainstream AM radio. I'm always surprised that his kind of character assassination and outright plagiarism is tolerated by even so crappy a station as his. In case you didn't click on the previous link and wisely didn't listen to his show, the website referenced provides the entire content of his show and the bulk of it is read on air with no attribution or credit given to the original author. As is customary for the Spaceman when it comes to his research, there isn't any.

Thanks to commenter Anonymous for the title of this post and its inspiration.

Tom Waits is a Poor Man's Willy Deville

2011-06-03T14:38:00.000-04:00

Blogger, bon vivant, and manic-twitterer Shoq once tweeted that this song from "The Princess Bride" was, bar none, the greatest love song ever written.

What can I say? When you're wrong Shoq, you're really, amazingly wrong. Gah, what a piece of shit. And that's as real as the feelings I feel. At least it wasn't done by Tom Waits. Plink Plunk Plink, "she was dressed in calico, and the colour of a dog", plink plink plunk.

What is the greatest love song from any movie? How about "Moving in Stereo" by The Cars.

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

Only that song truly captures the pain and shame of real love and the raw, unfulfilled masturbatory emotion that comes with it.

My true favourite is Romeo Void's "Never Say Never" from the 1984 movie, "Reckless".

Storybook story my ass.

Michael Coren: Let My Ratkos Go!

2011-06-03T13:32:00.002-04:00

From Sun Media, via Buckdog:

"There is no more hateful, hurtful columnist published in Canada than Michael Coren.

-He openly advocated a nuclear attack on Iran in the pages of the Toronto Sun.
-He is now defending Ratko Mladics mass murder of civilian Bosnian teenage and adult male Muslims"

Shorter Michael Coren:

"Getting mad at Christians killing Muslims is totally not fair since Muslims kill Muslims too! It would be like the Catholic Church being forced to condemn pedophile Priests while the rest of the world lets man-boy butt sex have a free pass to chocolate town with no reach around. P.S. Muslims are bloodthirsty savages."

Michael Coren, he's the Rory Leishman of illogical, fearful, anti-intellectual Mulism-haters. Wait, that is Rory Leishman.

Stupid things I think about

2011-05-27T15:55:00.000-04:00

A few years ago there was a documentary about how Star Trek inspired various technologies and inventions. "How William Shatner Changed the World" did an excellent job with technology, but, by their own admission, fell down a bit on arts and culture. They missed the one of the most popular creations/inspirations due to Star Trek.

Shakira.

Yes, the Columbian singer is a direct descendant of Star Trek, and the Gene Rodenberry creation has never received its due for this marvelous addition to the pop scene.

The naissance of all that is Shakira is clearly obvious in this clip. The fur bikini top, the hypnotising and salubrious dancing and writhing, all Shakira, and all Trek.

Feast your eyes, feast I say!

Like a Million Voice Crying Out in Unison , "That's Awesome!"

2011-05-18T11:02:00.001-04:00

He's dancing trombonist Jonathan Arons.

A dancing trombonist.

A salsa dancing trombonist.

That he's doing it as Darth Vader is gravy. Awesome gravy.

Hat tip to Insidethemagic.com

LGBT Stereotypes Fall Hard Thanks to OUTtv

2011-05-18T10:26:00.001-04:00

Cheers go out to OUTtv, Canada's Premier gay lesbian bisexual transgender television tv network. OUTtv has done a fantastic job of putting some ugly stereotypes of the LGBT community to rest. Showcasing programming like "RuPaul's Drag Race", gay-centric travel show "Bump", and original dramedy's like "Noah's Arc", OUTtv has succeeded in putting forth the mainstream face of the queer community, and for straight but not square suburban folks this should come as a huge relief.

For years, television writers and producers, along with the fashion industry and dog groomers, have made the SBNS (straight but not square) community feel less than fabulous. From Paul Lynde to Madame to Michael Flatley, SBNSs were told that they were not as funny, skinny, or fabulous as their queer friends and coworkers. Saddled with houses and children, they could never aspire to ripped abs and exotic vacations to rocky islands in the Mediterranean, and never could they look forward to spending a night tripping on Ecstasy while being covered in soap bubbles. They just didn't have "it". Thanks to OUTtv the secret is, to coin a phrase, "out of the closet". Spend a few hours watching OUTtv and you will see that the LGBT community featured therein is just as shabby, fat and boring as your average 47-year old hockey-playing blogger named Kevin. Or your average, middle-aged, gin-swilling newsman named Kevin. OUTtv is there for you, with the message, writ bold across all their programming, "We're here, we're not funny, we can't carry a network, we're just the same as the hunting network but with more feathers, get used to it." I for one, could not be prouder, or happier. Thank you OUTtv. Thank you for showing us that once you give the LGBT community more than supporting roles on shitty sitcoms, that they can produce shitty sitcoms too. Thank you for showing that as soon as you try to broaden your appeal, all pretense of cool or chic is tossed out for the flavour of the week. And that flavour is vanilla.

It's a sprint to the bottom of the quality barrel, and our formerly fit and fabulous friends are joining us on the ride.

Short Political Musing

2011-05-02T22:44:00.003-04:00

Nice to see that a large portion of southern Ontario has forgotten the lessons learned in the 90s. We were in a bit of a financial pickle, so you fucktards elected Mike Harper twice, AND HE FUCKED US. Nice to know that conservative voters like guys (Harper, Harris, et al) who have never had a real job, or a job with any level of responsibility, as their leader. 40% of the people in the country are morons. I'd sit back and laugh and say "I told you so", but the Cons are going to fuck up my country too. Well done.

That is all.

Hey Monte, 2002 Called, and it Wants You To Shut the Fuck Up

2011-04-24T23:26:00.001-04:00

A Man Without A Comb Or A Clue

Monte, either you have been in a closet for the last five years, or this is one of your attempts at humour. If, like your tweets, this is you being cheeky and funny, you are doing it wrong.

Monte Sonnenberg, May's Green Party on the fringe for a reason

The Green Party offered itself as an alternative because its members deemed inadequate the response of the mainstream parties. Only one problem: Where is the warming? The weather gods have been cruel to the Green Party during this election. ..

But what do we see after one month into the spring of 2011 and several weeks into this campaign? One of the coldest springs in Canada in recent memory. As a metaphor for the Green Party's woes, you cannot do better than the fact that it snowed Wednesday in Ottawa. The mercury there barely reached the freezing mark...

Amazingly, astonishingly, Monte is going with the "Why is it cold?" canard about climate change. I thought this bit of misinformation had been cleared up and that even barely literate columnists had finally gotten a clue. No, it seems it hasn't. What's next Monte, are you going to tell us how liberals changed global warming to climate change so as to not have to account for, you know, climate change?

Environmentalists committed themselves to increasingly higher temperatures when they sounded the alarm on "global warming" many years ago. Now that the warming model has proved unreliable, they're hedging by referring instead to "climate change."

Monte, bubby, do you read? Do you watch television? If so, you would know that Republican spin master Frank Luntz is responsible for promoting climate change and getting the Bush administration to use the term. Sweet monkey balls, you are dumb.

Something to think about the next time someone tells you that "the science on climate change is settled." Quite clearly, it isn't.

No, no, no. No Monte, no. And stop licking the top of the Elmer's White Glue.

Here, watch someone way way smarter than you explain it. Let me know if this is too hard to understand and I'll break out my Casey and Finnegan puppets from the Tickle Trunk and beat you with them. I'm not wasting a puppet show on your bunty brain pan.

God Hits You Because He Loves You

2011-04-10T23:06:00.006-04:00

At least according to Rev. Dr. Terry Ingram of the Oakridge Presbyterian Church.

God uses the tough times (as well as good ones – but somehow bad things really do tend to get our attention) to ‘discipline’ us or to educate/train us so that we can get to where we need to go...I don’t believe God causes our troubles, but I know he allows them. Like a parent teaching a loved child to respond well to life’s hurts, God is able to use such times to help us grow and mature.

So, God is a dick. At least we can take solace (if this nonsense were somehow true) that the Japanese people, especially those directly affected by the recent earthquake and subsequent tsunami, will finally learn some fucking discipline.

Look Who' s Learning and Growing Today!

Growing and maturing!

Here's six-month-old Salam Oudrawogol of Abidjan, Ivory Coast.
He is growing and maturing under God's benevolent fist after
being exposed to a toxic waste dump.

I'll Take "Things That Don't Make Me Miss the 80's" for $200 Alex

2011-04-10T22:11:00.002-04:00

Ahh nostalgia. It makes you watch crap.

Just Lie Back and Think of Stephen

2011-04-01T16:12:00.000-04:00

The editorial in the newest Maclean's (April 11, 2011) surely must be an April Fool's joke. Here are some choice bits about why we should just suck it up and vote Conservative:

Haper..."can't very well be both a micromanaging power freak and a secret puritan populist".

Really? Those two things are mutually exclusive? Really?

So we shouldn't worry about his fundie ties. What about the economy? Our EI is "OECD average for the short-term unemployed and well below average for the long-term". Well hooray for us! It's nice to know we kick people when they're down. Don't fret, we "rank among the "worst" in the OECD's index of employment protection regulations, meaning that Canadians can be fired or laid off more easily than almost anyone else". Cheer up buttercup, because Canada scores "low in product regulation" too. According to the unnamed editors, it's all Paul Martin's fault. So buck up and vote Conservative, because you are already soaking in it.

Forgotten Cool

2011-03-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

Lost in the field of distortion caused by the Ghostbusters song, lies this gem by Ray Parker Jr. It's fun, simple, and a teeny bit funky. A teeny bit funky if you are a white kid from London Ontario and it's 1982.

/Coming in at #4 in the U.S. top 100 for 1982, it's "The Other Woman" by Ray Parker Jr. /Casey Kasem Voice

Chickens, Eggs, and Beat Biting

2011-03-04T20:16:00.003-05:00

Sly Fox - Lets Go All the Way

Boogie Boys--Fly Girl

See, Baseball Can Be Fun!

2011-03-02T16:49:00.001-05:00

Sean has been trying for years to like sports. You see, he just wants to connect to other humans in a way that doesn't make the other person stare at him in disbelief.

I think his problem is that he is trying to consume North American sports. What he needs to do is ease in with sports that come from countries for which he has special affection. Like, say, Japan. Like, say, Japanese baseball. It's an easy crossover and may help him connect with other, non-dice throwing people if cornered and in need of conversational fodder.

So, here are a couple of videos to help my geek-brother break into any sporty kaffeeklatsch. Just remember to say "fuck" and "no shit", and "I know, can you fucking believe it?"

If this doesn't float your boat, then watch Price FC. More specifically, Kazushi Sakuraba's entrances from any Pride fight. I think you'll like this one (zip ahead to 5:00 or so).

'Cause I'm Working, Not Thinking

2011-02-28T20:47:00.003-05:00

I know, I know; the content here has been as shallow as some kind of object that holds very little water. Such is the joy of running your own business and having deadlines. Month after fucking month. So, while I am working away until the wee hours, I have been watching videos. Like this one. Which I will share with you now.

You will now feel happy, and old.

No? Did you just appreciate the timelessness of the tune and the impeccable guitar playing? Well then, this one will definitely make you feel old. Old and happy. Unless you have no soul. Like those BNL hating fuckers out there.

Like I said, lots of work, no play. Make David cranky. Song now.

She's A Little Bit Fat, But Not Too Lazy

2011-02-26T11:20:00.002-05:00

I really did think that no song provided a better backhanded compliment to one's spouse than John Prine's "In Spite of Ourselves".

As in all things, I was wrong. Here's Leroy Troy picking out "My Gal, She's a High-Born Lady"

From What Are Your Countertops Made You Traitor

2011-02-21T16:47:00.006-05:00

From the comments on the ironically named American Thinker :

I feel sometimes even FOX is not on the upandup. And for the fools protesting in WI is foolish. They don't know what they are comparing themselves to. Ms obama is in such a good position to speak out against the treatment of women in the Islamic cultures, but no, she would rather tell me what to put in my mouth and to breastfeed me child.

There`s a conservative who won`t survive the purges. Don`t you just love the comical understatment : ``I feel sometimes even FOX is not on the upandup.`` Gold Jerry, gold!

At least she tries for an attack of opportunity against the First Lady and obesity. Tea Party fucktards; anti-labour, anti-education, pro-fat.

You madam, are a fucktard.

The Things You Forget

2011-02-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

Found this album as I was moving boxes tonight (Saturday night party!). I had completely forgotten about Frozen Ghost. This will not stand.

The 80s. It wasn't pretty, but we have to own it.

Cocaine Coloured Computer Cards

2011-02-12T22:11:00.000-05:00

I was never a Max Webster fan. Little did I know that this awesome paean to prog rock was in their quiver.

The lyrics are too delicious to ignore.

it's another world we think in / because words are obsolete
two thousand years we kissed the devil / before we knew defeat

chapter eating marx one morning / freaking out on electric meat
chewing thrills with turkish madmen / space speed to sweden without sleep
cocaine coloured computer cards / coding cosmic zipper skies
vitamin clouds beyond the moon / yogurt blood lunacy shoes

acid warped the global fetus / like the bourgeois look at feet / and cadillacs
two thousand years we crossed up jesus / thinking he'd make ends meet
christ no

you can't make the world to order / like a hotel service's food
take the sixties as a movie / take the seventies as fuel
you've got a reason to be endless / because your mood is summer cool
let deliverence be existence / before this song becomes your fool

Fuck Kim Mitchell; Max Webster rocks. Too bad I'm 30 years late to the party.

Hahaha! Stupid Fucking Calgarians

2011-02-10T14:38:00.001-05:00

By a vote of 10-3, Calgary city council has voted to embrace bad teeth. Stupid fucking Calgarians.

Wait, what? Ah hell no.

Please don't spam me with anti-fluoride bullshit. This issue was put to bed years ago and all you fanatics have are lies and obfuscations. You are as bad as anti-vaxers. Please grow and consume your own food and get the hell off the grid, because you are a threat to public health.

Batmanny, Cartoony Goodness

2011-02-08T16:20:00.001-05:00

Do ya like Batman? Do ya like 70s cartoons? Do ya? Do ya? You do? Then you are in for a treat; Bat-Mite (voiced by Paul Reubens) hosting a wacky episode of Batman : Brave and the Bold. Three different versions of Batman and Robin (Mad Magazine, anime, and Scooby Doo) all done with an eye to accuracy and a ton of irreverence. It's sort of an updated walk down Saturday cartoon memory lane.

Bat-Mite Presents: Batman's Strangest Cases